Yeah, bitches only have to drink 77% as much alcohol to get as drunk as a Man.

I bet you’re fun at parties.

Wow, I’m really surprised.

So how can he have a plan if no one told him life was gonna be this way?

how subversive! a MAN staying home with his KIDS??!?!

What if you were both wearing Sexy Tree costumes?

I wood too, but he’d have to a do a little landscaping. Don’t wanna start a forest fire.

Would I?

It’s worth noting that this was Portland, Maine.

Love is awesome, isn’t it?

Great poets manage. The rest of us should probably stick with “she’s great.”

It’s definitely possible to write about the person you love in a beautiful way, but it’s few and far between (and correlates highly with being a professional writer).

I would love a George Takei-hosted gay Bachelor so much.

Her heart is killing the Great Barrier Reef

She has a rare terminal condition related to overconsumption of zinc and will die soon?

Funny or Die predicted this would happen, more or less:

Is there something inherently nauseating about describing one’s own love? Is it the navel-gazey hyperboolic rapture of it? The sameness of it? I’m honestly asking. I mean, I read a lot, so descriptions of two characters’ love for each other is something I come across frequently, but I never find it irritating in that…

Australian poetry mate

Blah blah blah I’m happy for them but those quotes are god awful attempted poetry. Like real bad. Her heart is full of deep ocean minerals? What does that even mean??