something something something, donkey sauce.

“lose a limb” how?

Better lock your doors, tonight, randilyn! 💛

It’s not the first time Grandma has been woken up with a banana, amirite?

YOU MEAN BLACK PEOPLE DO OTHER STUFF AND JUST LIKE LIVE THEIR LIVES AS BEST THEY CAN LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?

Those jitbags were more fun with it was Robert Bly and a drum circle reciting bad poetry* because at least they were focused inwardly instead of barfing up anxious entitlement or scaling courthouses in superhero outfits.

Oh, I see. So he can sue every little Bikram studio until they change the name?

He didn't realize what a shit bag he was being. Just an authentic shit bag.

Exactly, let’s remember that we (or at least I) am above such behavior.

the illuminati ?

Twitterer to Deadspin commenter truly is a lateral move.

I think this is relevant now, and could have saved you reading this lame article, and the author the time it took him to write it:

Rich writing thousands of words about quitting Twitter is really in the same vein as people who insist on posting some meaningless sentiment on social media after a tragedy. They are all desperate for attention, but Rich is just way more dramatic about it (and obviously has a broader platform to abuse).

Meta-narcissism: when you have to write about how above narcissism you are.

I was in the Emergency Room with chest pain waiting to be seen by the doctor (they’d already given me an EKG and determined I wasn’t dying that second) when the security guard on duty, who was also an off-duty cop, started hitting on me. He was so persistent in trying to get my information that I ended up leaving…

Next up: I think ketchup tastes bad, so I don’t eat it: a 7000 word glimpse into the human soul.

My friends and I were once cornered in a recessed doorway outside an apartment building by a huge older man who wanted to whip his dick out. We were thrusting lit cigarettes and car keys at him and screaming. A man walked by and we screamed for him to help. He scared the guy away and then hit on us. In a not self…

I bet they have a pickpocket monkey living in their crawspace. That seems the most logical explanation to me.