Too bad they don’t share your cultural sensitivity and cosmopolitan outlook.

What is the point of this article? To expose that ESPN hired a conservative? The politicized life is so tiresome. “Never ever deal with anybody or anything that might have different political views than you.”

Ten bucks says that guy drives a black Tahoe. Don’t ask me how I know; I just do.

Two Things. 1) I have limited sympathy for the Pats and Brady but this system is bonkers. 2) If Brady sues, his electronic communication will be demanded in civil discovery. I imagine he doesn’t.

Every non-Patriots fan:

Nice! You play on the team? Very cool.

Ive stayed away from Kinja for just this reason, but why not jump in: why isn't 4 games right? 2 for the crime, 2 for the lie and obstruction. Any fine - even $1M+ - is a joke and if it was just a fine, there's no way to spin it except a slap on the wrist. The first 2 games were so the other 31 owners didn't go nuts,…

Tldr:Takes one to know one.

Seriously - give it a rest! You don’t like him. We get it. Move on.

The first thing to note about this paragraph is that it, like most of the rest of the column, is written in a nigh-unintelligible Sports Guy patois that verges on complete fucking gibberish.

I feel like seeing deadspin shit on Simmons is like the Yankees vs Arod. No one comes out looking good, and I end up somehow rooting for Arod (simmons).

If his writing were any worse, he'd have to work at Deadspin.

Given his obsession with Teen Wolf, it’s appropriate that he’s morphing into Wolf Blitzer.

QVC Sports

This seems like an odd way to recruit Mr. Simmons.

Tldr, stopped after 3 paragraphs.

Welcome to First Takespin where we will discuss Bill Simmons for the 79th day in a row.

But those eyes, I get lost in them.

Got to love that Deadspin/Gawker are vehemently against Hot Takes and Buzzfeed-esque clickbait yet article titles like ‘Bill Simmons is a Shitty Writer’ are pretty common.

Yeah, but he seems to have an interesting Dad.