I tried reading Jo’s post with the trashiest accent in mind and still had to go through it twice to decipher half of what she was trying to say.

Who did this and where do I send the authorities? 

Adele, please stop appropriating those obnoxious white sorority girls who won’t stop talking about Spring Break. That picture screams “Jamaica, bitches! SHOTS!” and now I’ve got a headache.

This was my first car. To have it back, with a manual, this guy could have asked $4500.

Jersey is the king of exaggerated urban legends: haunted highways, escaped zoo animals, the Jersey Devil. Everyone has a story about these places. “I know someone, trust me.” I think the reason the documentary feels like it misses the mark is because there’s really just not much of a story here that can’t be covered…

I always felt like the Prowler was a rolling concept to prime people on the retro look that would go on to flood the world with a million PT Cruisers.

Back to her sitcom...history constantly presumes it was cancelled solely because ABC didn’t want to cope with a “gay TV show.” But if you’re old enough to remember the episode and those that followed, the tone of the show did a 180. It was great and groundbreaking. I came out a few years before it and totally related.

Censuring a DA for claiming black people matter and for refusing to pledge blind allegiance to an electable president during an election year somehow feels like a dark line we haven’t yet crossed, though sadly I’m sure we have somewhere. That said, I want a t-shirt that says “Lawless Revolutionary.”

I don’t know if there’s a way to scientifically analyze flavor, but I’m sure if you gave some Kraft macaroni and cheese to a cheese aficionado from 13th Century Naples they’d assume it was just a salty bowl of wheat. It tastes like cheese the same way Cheez Whiz or Easy Cheese does. I’m sure Kraft apologists will…

I instantly heard the sound the hubcap makes the first time you hit a pot hole. Also, I love that they compared the Granada to a Cadillac, then released the Lincoln Versailles a few years later. 

Quiet, they’re always listening. If they hear that Jalopnik just asked for account recommendations they’ll be flooding the comments with spam like, “Follow Me! DM Me! Let’s Colab!”

@sedan_zine is just above your 9,999 limit but it’s well worth a look. It’s all film, which makes even mundane sedans look beautiful.

I’m gonna throw scrapple in the ring.

I’m sure the chains will use any advantage to cannibalize the Mom and Pops, but I’ll be damned if I’m ordering Domino’s or Papa John’s just because Gennaro’s is out of pepperoni. There’s a big difference between one topping and the entire concept of pizza.

Considering MAGA toadies are usually too illiterate to bother reading what the hat says, the only people the parody hats are going to appeal to are people who already agree. The f-you factor they were designed for was never there because all Trump’s fans can see is “red hat wite leturs”.

I feel like I could get the same effect by melting some Skittles over a frozen bottle of Zima.

I’d normally be on the side of the artist if he wasn’t one of the tens of thousands who clearly went off-trail during the SuperBloom to get his shots. In one you can tell he’s in the poppies throwing flowers in front of the lens. Volvo is definitely guilty, but artists who trample our public lands can suck it too.

I grew up near Luray. It’s a hole. Literally a geographic hole in the side of a mountain. These trolls take pride in being shamed by good people. They wear t-shirts that say “Trigger a Libtard” to the same grocery store that turns away anyone with a BLM mask for being “political.” I’m sure he’s doubled-down in private…

I always laugh when I read, “Us Weekly reports...”

HAHAHA you win!