Lol right? I almost glossed right over that but its fucking demented.

shut up

You’re conveniently leaving out their measurements for:

Hear, hear!

I wrote a 14 page analysis of the masculinity and homosexuality themes in Absalom Absalom in about 8 hours, channeling Faulkner all the way in free-flowing stream of consciousness. Aced it.

Human skin has evolved to repel something like a .22 bullet. It would have been able to kill a person a couple hundred years ago, but our exoskeletons have hardened since then.

You see, this is different though. The window to make money coaching college football is finite. You need to maximize it as much as possible. Whereas the window to make money actually playing football is limitless. These guys can go their whole lives throwing and running. 

“Wide open” is a stretch (as a Knicks fan, the championship seems to be completely closed to us), but the league is definitely moving in a direction where the players have the ability to create their own legacies, which is dope.

I stopped my morning, scrolled back up, and set down my coffee to come back and compliment you on your LeGuin reference. Thank you for your service.

Parity > dynasty 

Really, you just need to look at his background to see where this stuff comes from:

Related note, everyone who actually eats regular Triscuits plain has also called the police on a person of color for doing something not illegal.  It’s science.

No cop has ever eaten a Triscuit. This is a fact.

Wait . . . there’s a debate that Wheat Thins aren’t clearly superior to Triscuits? Triscuits are Brill-O Pads for people who don’t have an acute iron deficiency.

wait is that actually how pistorius lost his legs?

Yeah but did you see how fucking high he jumped?!?

I did very poorly that semester

Phfpt. You sound like one of those people who won't kick their dog. 

sir, this is a wendy’s drive-thru