The only way this makes sense is if Fenech was somehow responsible for the Astros’ lack of run support.

His name is Cooper and he grows up to repeatedly commit return fraud at Walmart. Also, he votes for a YouTube personality for president in 2028.

Drew’s rant today will be better than this.

Here’s the rest of my submission that Drew didn’t include:

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My argument against the first person was in his/her assumption that this incident was fueled by some kind of overarching theme of Texas frontier justice perpetuated by hicks. I think it’s dumb and overplayed and I would be willing to bet that most people who think of Texas that way haven’t spent much time there.

ETA: I do it every time. I don’t think I’ll ever remember to write “heroin” instead of “heroine.” Gah, I’m an idiot.

Believing the Browns are a real contender is like lending money to a heroine addict and believing they’ll pay you back.

The clip is only 57 seconds long, but the ball’s recording device recorded 18 hours of static while it was in right field.

I don’t believe that boy is Canadian. He didn’t say “eh” at the end of his sentence or apologize for his rude comment.

Son of a Bichette.

Name a state and I’m sure I could come with a handful of stories like this without much effort.

Yeah, I don’t find the Florida jokes all that funny either. I’ve always enjoyed my visits to Florida, and I think the jokes about how awful it is are lazy and ignorant.

It’s fine to criticize it. That’s not what I was defending against.

I’m trying, Randall.

28 million people in the state. No state is defined by its worst residents. I’ve known most Texans to be kind, reasonable people who wouldn’t stand for this kind of thing.

Well, it’s a big state with a lot of people and a lot of news. So there’s some statistics involved. But there would be a huge backlash in most school districts I’m familiar with if this happened.

You don’t know what you’re talking about. I live in Texas, not far from this school district. This is not the way it’s done. Most teachers and administrators know they are not allowed to touch the students, let alone write on them with Sharpies. In fact, in my experience, they are beyond dedicated to that standard.…

Not twitchy enough.