*looks around*

He’s living rent free in a large empty space filled with regret, shame, and anxiety?

Just when I think I can’t hate Aubrey Graham any more than I already do, I find out some new fact and surpass my previous level of hatred.

When I was 10, I was afraid to trade pogs.

I can tell you how this is gonna play out now. He’s probably already back in Canada, so he’s out of their jurisdiction. And the Canadians won’t extradite one of their own. But Batman has no jurisdiction.

Not offended. Annoyed.

Can I piggyback on this and say I hate it when people do this about the Rockets’ championships in the 90s? “They only won because MJ was off playing baseball.” My reminder that MJ was back for the second half of the 94/95 season (averaging 31.5 ppg in the playoffs) makes no difference. Ugh, makes me wanna punch people.

I indifferent about his music. It’s not my thing, but I’m not his intended audience, so it’s fine. He’s just an insufferable prick who I wish didn’t exist. Also, I’m just making jokes. People cheering Durant’s injury were not making a joke.

I’m so glad I’m free from this kind of delusion. The teams I support never even get the chance to lose to the eventual champions.

Why does he seem so much younger than Chris Paul when they’re only a year apart?

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Drake, Hitler, and Jared from Subway... I’d shoot Drake twice frame Drake for a double homicide.

Is that Charlie Hunnam or Garrett Hedlund? I always get them confused.

Did he shout “Do you know who I am?!”

SHUT. YOUR. MOUTH.

Shhh

You can’t ruin this for me. It won’t work. 

I know the replay showed that three different Warriors (plus Steve Kerr) called a timeout that they didn’t have. But I will forever cherish the idea that it was Draymond’s timeout that gave them the technical and sealed the game.

Mega Stuf™

I once lied about eating the last two Oreos in the package. My wife asked me if I’d eaten them and I said yes and she got mad. But I actually hadn’t eaten them yet. I lied about having already eaten them just so I could save them for later and eat them while she took our daughter to soccer practice. And then I ate…

Let me explain...