Ozone generators work best if you remember to open every compartment before running them. We had a problem getting smells out of our apartment (prior tenants had...aromatic spice collections), it wasn’t until we left every single drawer and cabinet open that the ozone generator could do its job fully.

Player’s thought process? “Man, why should I take this guaranteed $20m/2y contract when my agent tells me he can get me a $75m/5y contract? So what that only $18m is guaranteed, I can make the rest!”

Burrito Beach is a small chain of restaurants in Chicago. My go-to meal there is their nachos. Get some pollo asado with black beans, chihuahua cheese and sour cream along with the requisite nacho cheese, mild and corn salsas, tomatoes and onions. I pull the chips up through the rest of the ingredients, the nacho…

Ronin is a borderline cult flick. Mission: Impossible movies are actually seen by people in theaters.

Signed: a guy who day one’ed his Ronin DVD.

Teach them to drive, and warn them to stay away from Kevin Spacey’s car.

“Scott, what are you doing?”
“Cutting my pizza.”
“Scott, that’s a steak knife. Use the chef’s knife, and for the love of God don’t cut the pizza on the stone.”
“It’s just a knife, right?”

Scott has been banned from cooking in my kitchen.

Fight or flight kicked in, you handed your kid to your wife. That’s not something that should make you feel like shit, that’s something that should let you know you had enough self-control to do the right thing.

Door has a maglock? Fuck anybody who tries to tailgate me who is not on my team. That lock is a security feature, bypassing it in the name of politeness ended up having a co-worker’s purse getting stolen two weeks ago.

One of our data centers requires anybody trying to access the room to go through a series of…

My wife is one of the dozens. I’m more of an “eh, they seem to give enough free stuff already” guy myself.

Batman was killing people at the start of his comic life. It wasn’t until after the character was spun off into his own series that the “No killing/no guns” rule came into effect. Something that was *almost* broken in the pilot for Batman Beyond.

My wife is somebody who looks for ways to save money. When a commercial for that came on, I heard her draw in a breath in order to ask me a question. The “No.” came out so fast that she didn’t even get a chance to get the first word out. She got the hint, never brought it up again.

He is a very understanding husband.

You talk about Plaza this, Cera that, Evans over there, but you forget to mention that Brie Larson played Envy Adams. Evans and Adams, two people who will (probably) team up in the next Avengers movie.

Had a roommate who was a lube tech at one of the local Honda dealerships. Every now and then he’d see somebody bring in a 4-5 year old car that never had an oil change. Not because they were having a problem, but “...they couldn’t remember the last time it was done.”

Sixteen drain plugs? At this point do I finally understand why Mercedes went with their “No drain plugs, draw the oil out through the dipstick pipe” approach.

Dump the imperial sockets. Save for your spark plug, all the fasteners are metric. Doesn’t matter if the car is “foreign” or “domestic”.

I get an e-mail the day after every business day with my EOD balance, date generated, and total in/out, for each account. And yes, I read the messages every day they come in.

Hit up Groupon Travel. They seem to have hotel deals on a very regular basis. Just be careful that you’re picking the right hotel, Marriott has two hotels across the street from each other.

Kevin, is this one of yours as well? What should I be doing until the slices are coated?

Clinicians: Awesome!
Storage team: We’re going to need to buy more disks.