I download every scam app I can to build up my phone's natural immunity to malware.

Soooo.... you’re saying I should eat them?

And yet you seemed to fit very comfortably in a 2-D pane of glass with a couple other people, Zod. Get over it.

“in a market that can’t get enough of big and stupid SUVs."

Between Shakira, J-Lo, and now this, anyone who hasn’t gone through puberty yet is good now.

Kristen’s underwear:

Plus they gotta call in a guy...

This delay won’t have much impact. The next PlayStation is already is delayed, so Gran Turismo’s next version will be delayed, and that’s the only place people bought TVRs.

Trucks are more comfortable than coupes when you have a small penis. 

Seriously. When we hit up a rest stop my wife changes the baby and I run in and grab food while we are filling up. If we’re not ready to go as soon as the pump clicks off, I consider the stop a complete failure.

Do you guys not have $1,000 VR headsets?

The voice of the internet: “I don’t want to buy VR set as there are no games yet”

I’m pretty sure Tommy Callahan did the best explanation of cheap vs expensive brake pads ever

Nope.

Quit it with the video-only articles. 

Lies! I will fight you for a Charleston Chew. Those things are fucking delicious.

I had an interview where this was asked. They were worried I was going to leave in 6 months or a year when I was bored. My response was “If you hire someone less qualified, there’s no guarantee that they don’t leave in a year anyway. Wouldn’t you rather have a year of the best possible candidate?”

1. Buy Subaru with no money down, 72-month, $1000/month loan

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”