Look at that, a rapist who doesn’t like people forcing him to do things he doesn’t want to do. How quaint.

“OK, what’s with the five interceptions, you mammoth shit-stick?”

Makes sense. Big Ben is Grumpy, Jay Cutler is Sleepy and their offensive line coach is Sneezy.

Ben’s not too happy about feeling helpless, with his back up against the wall. But at least he’s finally learning empathy.

I too will miss the masses of people creating the illusion that soccer is relevant

He lost the players? The poor players! The ones who couldn’t fucking beat Trinidad and Tobago after they got what they wanted? We should definitely continue to consider their feelings!

For real. We trot out players that weren’t good enough four years ago and we act surprised when this happens. We let the MLS and USSF become conjoined like carnival freaks and it results in a team filled to the brink with players that just aren’t good enough.

Come on guy. They lost to Trinidad and Tobago. The United States. We shouldn’t lose to Trinidad and Tobago at anything. ANYTHING. If you don’t think that’s at least a little bit hilarious, well, I don’t know what to tell you. If England ever loses to Bermuda, you’d never stop laughing.

That’s a pretty good take, but take a look at this talk on the real “losers” in the US missing the World Cup:

It’s Pennsylvania.

Crooked US Soccer blames everyone but themselves. Sad. I play the best soccer. A lot of smart people tell me that.

Or accept America just sucks at a sport the majority of the country could give two fucks about.

You know what the funniest thing is? Fox paid $400M for this and the next World Cup rights. Enjoy your nobody audience in the US. That’s $200M definitely wasted and the Qatar games are going to be on from something like 5 in the morning.

I LOVED Illuminations candles. They were and still are the best candles I’ve ever had. Sad that Yankee Candle bought them out and shut them down.

I LOVED Illuminations candles. They were and still are the best candles I’ve ever had. Sad that Yankee Candle bought…

We also would accept “Sprinter-with-four-rows-of-seats-side”

Bath & Bodyworks Three-Wick Candles!

Bath & Bodyworks Three-Wick Candles!

If you were more diverse in your choice of video entertainment, you’ll find that there are plenty of black guys inside cougars.

If the only black guy at BYU who’s not on the football team thinks he can hide inside a cougar costume, he’s pleasantly mistaken.

Exactly and they weren’t saying boo, they were saying Boo-urns

I wasn’t aware there were still Cutler apologists.