It’s just as bleak as being a Dolphin these days.  

Yeah but did you see how fucking high he jumped?!?

Orlando City is my favorite because they use “soccer club” instead of football club in their name. Viva Soccer! Viva America!

Yeah because one thing we don’t do enough of around here is call out the NCAA.

My reactions, in order of glee from least to most:

Me when I read “Distraction becky” on Al Gore’s sweet internet:

Magic, in 1351

“I just witnessed the most dangerous plague in Western history! The Black Death set death records for Europe, wiping out 30-60% of Europe’s population and reducing the world population from 450M to 350-375M.

Exciting times!”

Four points:

You truly are a wordsmith,*squints at screen*

“I bet they watch everything ahead of time before showing it to him, just in case. haha So who knows what he sees.”

What makes this even funnier is how FOX probably saw a bar full of white people and thought they were in a “safe place” Someone give that guy a MVP award.

Twas a bad day to be orange. 

It’s like these idiots have NEVER heard “Under the Sea”.

I made the mistake of going to the comments under a tweet about her White House visit comments. It was predictably bad, but I did discover a good term for all the flag-humpers and anthem worshipers...

This is batshit. Even in his diminished state last year, Cousins was a massive physical presence, a gifted scorer and a top-shelf passer for a big man. Despite his limitations, he played with commendable defensive effort (most of the time), and if he stays committed to giving that effort should only improve as he…

Piers is seldom not the biggest cunt of the day.

To be fair, Phil Neville has had to spend his entire life not being Gary Neville and also live with the fact that his father’s name is astonishingly somehow Neville Neville.

Me, every time these articles/videos show up: “This is getting old.”

I love the lack of any reaction from the pedestrian standing on the corner. Not that I’m surprised seeing as this is such a common thing.

Finally, the article every wrestling fan needs: how to find the G1 spot for a satisfying climax.