I assume this is going to be a pizza that I’ll have to assemble myself and I’ll have a bag of random toppings left over at the end.

This just proves that the Swedish Chef is still on drugs.

Fuck off with this bullshit.

Hot take: Davidson’s public apology to Dan Crenshaw legitimized a very dangerous man. I wish he hadn’t backed down, because in the end Crenshaw does indeed look like a hitman in a porno movie.

Bloomberg won American Samoa. I don’t even know where that is.

I was going to try to give a shit about this, but then I remembered: it’s the Grammys

You should set every Cadbury Egg on fire because they’re garbage.

Jalopnik is one of the very few outlets that does not agree to informational embargoes. That means that other outlets sign extensive non-disclosure agreements, agreeing to sit on information for days, weeks, sometimes months in advance, and not say a peep about it until a manufacturer’s marketing team says they can.…

I hope so. I worked in Iowa back in the late 90's doing summer stock and we had a guest artist from NYC for 3 productions. On her second day she came back from the store with a large box of bottles of booze. She said “Do you guys realize how cheap this is here?” She proceeded to climb into those bottles and cause so…

When I was 16 a Taco Bell opened in my neighborhood and, because I was a teenage vegetarian, it changed my life. Taco Bell was a place I could afford to eat with my meager allowance, allowing me to hang out with both my vegetarian and meat-eating friends at a cost no higher than pocket change.

so...........

Spike has been going to MSG for years and all of a sudden he goes in the wrong entrance?

He’s rich, stubborn and of the “just walk it off” generational mindset. By the time he changes his mind, I reckon most of the business will have it.

You cannot leave a crater.

Sounds like a certain grumpy someone needs a hug.

Of the “disruptive” society-destroying apps that are ruining the human race available today I think I hate AirBnb the most. It’s such a “fuck you” to the hotel model but honestly hotels are something humanity figured out how to do thousands of years ago. But for everyone involved in AirBnb it always just feels people …

Age of consent does not magically equal maturity. I don’t think it’s “obviously” a lie that a 14 year old child would be innocent enough to not immediately think that a celebrity she admired was going to try and have sex with her. You can call it naive if you want, but once again, she was a child. She doesn’t have to…

This is dumb. At no point in his time as commander is Li Shang interested in Mulan; if anything, it’s the opposite (though she would never approach him).

Timberlake should have kept his dick in a box.

Remember if THEY do it it’s espionage but if WE do it it’s patriotism.