There are currently two different arguments occurring on my Facebook feed, and I really wish either of them were being handled as articulately and on point as this one is.

Oh phoo; I had a whole Dickens scene sketched out where former writers sit around like Mrs. Haversham in the dusty rags of their blogging outfits*, clicking 'refresh' with their gnarled aged fingers. And thank you!

Wait what? The idea of former Gawker/Jezebel writers going back to click on their goodbye posts weeks after they've left to see whether anyone might have left them a new comment is the saddest thing I've read all day. And it's my birthday. :(

Those last two sentences kinda leave a bad taste in my mouth. It makes the whole post sound like "Take a look at this cute video of animals that usually suck and who I wish I didn't have to write about!"

86% match?? That'd ruin my whole day.

This is the exact plot of a Doonesbury strip from the mid-80s. I look forward to hearing about how Jesse Angelo becomes the Governor of American Samoa.

"He fucked my name right in front of me."

Maybe he was delusional enough to hope that the reaction would be "Omg, you love trolling too?? Scooch over, let's go to Deviantart and critique some teens so badly they never draw anything again!"

This is just bizarre to me. I live in an area with a large student and nerd population, and if a store here tried to ban backpacks it would be headline news.

I was thinking fetish too! It was Philadelphia who had the cheese fetishist, wasn't it? The PA motto should be "Come For Our Poconos, Stay For Our Elaborate Food-Related Kink Scenarios"

It took me about 8 years to finally choose the design I wanted, but I love it and am very proud of it. I even catsat for my tattoo artist when she needed a sitter a few months later.

I think he sat beside me on a Greyhound bus trip from Cleveland to Boston once.

Aquaman has been wearing those leggings for 50 years.

Which website do you work for? Is it Buzzfeed? I bet it's Buzzfeed.

........you do realize that none of this was said anywhere in the video, right?

Ohmigosh, the Moxie Festival Parade is one of my favorite bits of small town Americana. There's something about watching the Lisbon Falls Zumba Squad go down the street dancing to "I'm Sexy and I Know It" to reaffirm my faith in humanity.

Please tell me this was a first date.

I had completely blocked this memory, but on our third date my wife-to-be's chihuahua let us know her feelings by pooping on the pillow while we slept.

(I have a friend, who is now a higher-up at a Tech company, that loves putting baked beans into girls' knickers)

We should form a consulting team and let people invest in the things we both loathe! I remember seeing annoying posters (they all involved black & white photos of naked women on all fours) for the Dave Matthews Band back when they were playing $5 Tuesdays at Trax and thinking "Ugh, I cannot wait for these losers to…