I'm looking at the three presents I still haven't mailed and suddenly feeling a lot less guilty.

Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is looking to recoup some money. And ooo, the ad copy writes itself. "Dropping right into your living rooms!"

You're recommending Wartune? Seriously?? After their "FOR MEN ONLY!" ads that make Evony look good, you'd have to pay me to even click on the stupid thing.

A student my s.o. is working with is dating someone who says he's a Navy Seal. Who's based in Boston and living in an apartment. (Y'know, like you do.) He blew her off for a date last week and was out of contact for four days, and when he finally called her he let her know he'd been flown overseas on A Mission He…

Dad??

THREE HUNDRED TATTOOS. That spell out "Will You Marry Me" when he contorts himself in exactly the right way, and "I Am A Douchecanoe" when he's standing normally.

I bet it's a German word. "Sprechdupummelshpyuken" or something like that.

rather patient about his damn croissants

I'm trying to picture it! The best I can come up with is a bunch of sad-looking people in parkas and sweatpants holding signs that say SORRY and PLEASE EXCUSE ME .

Over-offended much? I love Jon Stewart too, but the fact that he did a great interview on one day in 2008 doesn't invalidate the fact that his interviews with celebrities are by far the weakest part of the show. I'd much rather see him do one interview a week that he's fully prepared for and have him focus on the…

I'm with you on the wine, but Vermont's cheeses have the East Coast (or New England, at least) covered just fine. It's actually almost a chore wading through all the selections: "Agh, do I have to choose between yak cheese, llama cheese and fainting goat cheese again? Oh wait, the water buffalo cheese isn't sold out…

Have you had Otto's Pizza? It feels strange and wrong to say that the best pizza I've ever had comes from Maine, but I'll stand by it.

It's funny how many times a week I use the sentence "I prefer the version with the 7-foot-clown."

Before he got caught, the Penguin sent out tweets taunting Batkid!

That's amazing. I can't decide whether I want to introduce you to all my single relatives in hopes you marry into the family, or avoid standing near you during thunderstorms. Both, probably.

Oh. My. God. Did you seek out the pun run episodes on purpose, or was this the podcast equivalent of being that surfer who's been attacked by three different sharks?

This is like the start of a 1950s comic book plotline, one where she gets jilted around sandwich 290, has a complete psychotic break, starts dressing in a costume that's basically two giant slices of bread with her in the middle and killing people with throwing stars shaped like ciabatta loaves, and eventually gets…

I'm taking a "Humor in American Culture" class and this movie came up two weeks ago. Of the 20-some students in the class, I was one of 3 who'd seen it. There's not a sadface gif out there that can cover how I felt.

I'm shocked by this because MyBonerIsCrying.com is such a good website and is known for its pro-feminist stance, said no one ever.

I'd be okay with awarding a football team 1 or 2 extra points based on whose marching band outclasses the other one. It could revolutionize the game.