Why are you arguing with me? I didn’t come up with the word. Take it up with Medieval Brits. 

I gave you the more thorough explanation because you’re dumb and stubborn and you wouldn’t have accepted the simple “It’s called football because it’s a ball game played on foot, not horseback.” explanation.

Sure, I’ll try.

Good lord, it’s the year of our lord two thousand and nineteen and there are people who are still doing the “it’s called football” thing like Google doesn’t exist? They’re  like the coelacanth, thought to be extinct but somehow still alive and breathing?

Probably the best museum cafe of all the Smithsonians too. 

It kinda does, though. People invest them emotionally in teenage boys getting their shit smashed because the high school teams are brands. 

Yeah, I’ll still watch my team. I find myself caring increasingly less about games not involving my team. 

Yep. People only like football to the extent that it’s being played by their favorite NFL team/local college/town’s high school. There’s a reason it hasn’t really caught on outside the US—no one gives a shit about the Golden Dome or the Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field.

[insert nodding gif here]

Oh no, it’s the other way around. White people need to get called out for entitled behavior more. 

Backup QBs get paid, son. 

Okay, but in any other field, an emergency freelancer earns way more than a salaried employee. 

Apparently, a convenience store clerk is a combination scratching-off coach, psychologist, rules expert, consigliere, and body man to the lottery ticket buyer.

If I had a $1.3 million payday? And 10% cut was the usual cost of business? And it’s tax-deductible? Why the hell not?

“He wasn’t obligated to” is the kind of rationale you’d make for being an asshole when you know it’s an asshole move.

We’ll know we’ve achieved true racial equity when people of all colors can ask for the manager without anyone raising an eyebrow.

*fades, not faze

The best part of the Manning era in Denver is that in his one good season, Manning got absolutely killed by the Seahawks, and when they did win the Super Bowl, it was basically the corpse of Peyton Manning barely moving the ball as the defense mauled Cam Newton.

Fair point about those 6-pointers.

Eh, it’s only 5 points but they have to hope for both Liverpool and Citeh to melt down AND not slip up themselves. One out of three is possible, two out of three can maybe still happen, but all 3 things happening together is incredibly unlikely.