"I live my life nine-point-eight meters per second."

Why would they airdrop the cars from a cargo plane to catch a bus when they can just drive after the bus and catch up to it? Oh, right.

So you are saying:

"Mom, I got suspended again."

I did this once playing boomerang golf. I thought it was a good idea at first, but then it hit me that it wasn't.

I figure I'm a real world 5, so I'd probably be laying pipe like a oilman at a sex club.

"I wouldn't pray over a plate of sizzling fajitas at Applebee's for all the dicks in Glory Hole Canyon!"

I've decided that my new extreme end payment, similar to all the tea in China is "All the Dicks in Glory Hole Canyon"

On that note, would you agree that anyone that can't fold a fitted sheet, despite how easy it is, should just live in a barn?

Quarterbacks getting rid of their beards? Damn, just more bad news for the women of Green Bay.

If I had a mustache like that, I'd wear a t-shirt advertising my shame, too.

Favre: Where'd you shave?

Now I'm picturing EL James leaning over some poor digital effects artist and, in a breathy whisper, continually saying "A bit more bush. Just a bit... little more...no no roll it back...okay perfect."

what's the Christian lifestyle Like? Bibles and waffles all the time?

Without looking it up, I don't recall anything happening to him.

If you're gonna bring back someone, bring back Bobby Kennedy. Yes, JFK's assassination was traumatic, but losing RFK was the point when things started to wobble and spiral badly for the country.

"I just want the picture to look like what the thing looks like."

I would have expected a worse reaction from a Joffrey.

Jesus, man. Did you not offer to warm said boobs up?

I was at that game. 3 girls flashed us for cans of warm Coors Light.
Boobs also turn blue when they're cold.