If I were a boy, I was gonna be Basil. Arrrrrrrgh how come they didn't just name me that as a girl best name EVAR????

Happens all the time. Here's one. Good trap, though, little warrior.

It is my actual beat. Go change your diaper.

I have some pretty extreme middle names to cope with as it is, but god, if I was a boy I would've been... Mungo. MUNGO. Mungooooooo. My grandparents, bless them, bought a dog and called him Mungo in a last-ditch attempt to save me but my parents were planning to go ahead with it anyway, so set were they on ruining my…

I was almost named Omar. That would've been awesome.

True. But mis-information can happen much more quickly now.

My parents were going to name me Tyyne, after my great-grandmother. This means 'calm' (more or less) in Finnish, and my great-grandmother was a lovely woman by all accounts. The problem is that I don't live in Finland, and the 'y' vowel sound in Finnish is really tough for English speakers to do properly. Most likely,…

I was supposed to be born on July 4 and named Liberty. Fortunately, I was late. I imagine if I were Liberty, all of my latent hippy tendencies would have been allowed to flourish, and I would smell like patchouli and backpack around the world with white boys with dreadlocks, and I would be much higher than I am right…

I should not be allowed to name children, because "Bronte-saurus" would seal the deal for me. "Now we HAVE TO name her that!"

Nearly named Bronte (in honour of the Bronte sisters). Saved when Dad predicted that my nickname would be Bronte-saurus.

Oh, I win this one easily. If I had been a boy I would have been named Barnstable. BARNSTABLE.

Isn't it funny when people call other people names that the name-caller could be categorized as? Rihanna May be many things, but village idiot? No that distinction lies solely with Mr. Sheen. That boy is a damned fool!

"No biggie for me; it would have been 84 interminable seconds of chugging Draino and 'please kill me now' that I'd never get back,"

Oh really? Well then she made a good choice by not wasting both her time and yours. Seeing you just admitted you would have been an ungrateful little shit.

Sheen is lashing out like an…

"Hey, hey, hey, Ri Ri, hey. Its me, Charlie Sheen. You know, from Platoon. Anyway, I can see its your birthday because you are here with all your friends and you are having fun, but would you might posing with my fiance while I take pictures and talk too close to your face? I was almost in the Mighty Ducks but a space…

Well, I know Charlie Sheen is a grandpa, but ending that rant there with "junior" has made him officially behave like a grandpa. So nice going there.

Ah! The only thing I could come up with was "personal pronouns". Which I guess is something a person could be for or against if they really wanted to.... :P

I'm actually a little surprised how many commenters have used Jolie's comment to rip on Gwyneth Paltrow. GP wasn't mentioned anywhere.

What a class-act.

That's why her hair is so big—its full of self-awareness

I love when Lindy does ________.