I’m just kidding, no one remembers where they were when the wall fell (I was six) and the moon landing was fake. This is real history.

Like the falling of the Berlin Wall, or the first man landing on the Moon, we will all remember where we were the day the BasedGod lifted his curse.

I resemble that comment!

I scream

I bet you’re a real delight at parties.

Why would the Cubs even want Chapman? There's no designated hitter in the NL...

the woman literally emailed me right after the story went up to say “i’m glad you told that commenter to fuck off”

PLEASE fuck off

fuck off

Actually, sharks are cartilaginous, not boned.

This is the polar opposite of Terry Collins going into the Dodgers booth to say hi to Vin Scully

I’m a Jets fan. I’m already there.

Go to hell.

I think he would fit right in at a certain agency...

The thought of Bartolo Colon: Deadbeat Dad makes me sad, but the thought of Bartolo Colon: Attorney at Law makes me happy.

I deserve that.

Despite the fact that Simmons has, uh, limited camera appeal...

Prince Fielder’s chuckling as he tells the pitcher he’s ejected warms my heart