Goddamn double posts. 

I just got the Deadspin stone over the weekend. I am not entirely sure how this came to pass.

I covet the Splinter stone, and am probably WAY too much of a whiteboy to have the Root Stone. 

Cut and pasted from another article about baseball umpires:

“Jesus christ, umpires are delicate little bitches aren’t they?”

Are you... are you eating the dead skin that has flaked off me in the night, and getting your moisture from my sweat? 

“Even if it were for sale, we sure as fuck wouldn’t sell it to you, the short-fingered vulgarian that reneges on like 95% of his business deals, and has to be court-ordered to perform for the other 5%” 

Or 9 lights or 10, or whatever. Make America Have All The Lights Again!

We have the best lights! Only the Bigliest lights! 

Wait... we’re not using “Hot Takes” anymore? When did this happen? 

This episode of Black Mirror sucks. 

You couldn’t pay me to watch that.

I mean.. you *could*, but neither of us would be happy about it in the end.

Pooping in his adult diapers. 

He’s using metric inches.

What we call... “Millimeters” 

Donald’s fashion sense is so bad, it’s spread to her... like a fungus.

Also: His syphilis. 

I concur with this assessment. 

Today on “Just another Trump Thing”: Lying liars that lie, and then double down on those lies then they’re called out on them. Day 927ish?

This isn’t shocking. Knowles has always been sketchy. 

Man, even the Broncos are crying. 

Yeah. The recovery is gonna suck. They’ve done more damage in 2 years than I could have imagined. 

“blonde Jewish women between the ages of 15-35"

15 - 37. Ivanka’s 37.

Ugh. Horseshoe theory can eat my entire ass.