When my dad was a NASCAR announcer he went into the pits with a wireless mic and in the middle of an interview jammed the antenna up his nose by accident. While at the hospital they stuffed his nose with one of those cotton things soaked in some weird cocaine solution. He stayed up all night and ordered stereo…

When my husband and I first started dating he knew that my measurements were on file with the costume shop in the university theatre department and he got a ‘sewing tutor’ and made me a beautiful dress with a fitted bodice and french seams to wear to a high school dance that we were chaperoning together (he was a…

Translation: “Where can I read more articles about how shitty black people are as a way to make me feel better about myself?”

I understand its the nature of the site we’re on to make jokes and stuff,but if anyone could give me a reason why I shouldn’t be just curled up on the floor crying, calling my daughter home from her grandmother’s so we can spend our last days together I’d love to hear it. Because I am genuinely nauseated with fear…

Why would you drag a beautiful marmoset into this?

wait. Are you...are you talking shit about cream cheese frosting? Because we’re gonna have words.

How...how does eating 3 meals a day put mileage on your vagina? Does he think we do poops from there? What’s happening?

God. I’ve been there. Our monthly staff meeting. I work remotely and the staff is all meeting in Omaha while I sit watching Bravo in Chicago. Whenever I hear a pause in the conference call I panic that I was supposed to answer something.

Now I’m just pissed.

I used to be straight up terrified to go to church (Episcopal) when I was little, because they would cover the Crucifixion statue with a black shroud and it looked like this black ghost hovering over the church. One of my “fondest” Easter morning memories was my mom, exasperated, trying to get me into the car for…

I have....ZERO Fs

The only good thing to come out of it are the memes

My daughter showed me a game similar to this on Roblox and a video of her fave (Squiddy) playing it and honestly, I never stopped laughing. Seeing a pair of Big Gulps bouncing around, running from hunters is...uniquely comical.

I think the loving thing to do is TRY, but it’s so much harder to learn a language as you get older. I took four years of Spanish in highschool and I remember about 10% of it. I took Russian in college and I remember NOTHING except how to say “Listen, please, is this your cat?”

And that movie is called: Sabrina

Good morning. Can anyone give me any good reason to not just curl into a ball, quit my job and just cry with my family at this point? I’m not sure how anyone can be making lighthearted jabs when it’s looking more and more like we’re going to die in the next, oh month or so. I’m not even exaggerating, I’m sitting at…

Wait a second. You can’t possibly think Bethenny is worse than Luann “Call me Mrs. DuLesseps in public” DuLesseps. Can you?

It’s going to be about arts...culture...travel...arts...

Whitney is like the rich boy that never learned to wipe his own ass. When he lost his mind last season because Craig was touching cooked steak with a fork that touched raw steak (this was high quality beef) I knew that I was capable of murder.