Look at the bright side. If he’s convicted of a third degree felony, the team’s graduation rate will increase by 600%.

I find Hoppy to be the definitive authority on salary caps/salad fixings

Be honest...which one of you Pats fans cursed Mortensen with the dreaded “I hope you get throat cancer” line after his incorrect Ballghazi reporting?

Friends say Philips lived by the golden rule.

I don’t know, those felony assaults and murder could really hurt his Heaven chances. We’ll see how the voters feel in 5 years.

And I thought the strongest reactions to the Rams leaving St. Louis were posted this morning.

Regardless of whether his politics are the reason he’s not getting in, the market has spoken. If he wants to get in, he should pick himself up by his bootstraps and just work harder to get in. He shouldn’t expect some handout. It’s the Hall of Fame, not the Hall of Welfare. #Benghazi

“`It’s said only 29.2% of Hall of Fame voters are Schilling supporters. In 1940, only 7% of Germans were Nazis. How’d that go?’ Vote Schilling.”

Gtiffey’s HR derby backwards cap look is untouchable. My loser friend couldn’t even ruin that when we played pickup ball as kids. That’s how fucking cool Griffey is.

Despite the fact that concussions can have late onset symptoms hear me out:

I bet he still believes in God, though.

Seriously. Is that fucking Carson Daly? The same guy who used to host TRL and paint a couple of his finger nails black? The same guy who argued with Fred Durst over to whom Christina Aguilera gave head to first?

This is a complete outrage. I don’t know how we as Americans can stand for this.

“STATES HAS SPIDER BITE ON HIS PENIS WHICH HE ATTRIBUTES TO CLEANING HIS DECK IN HIS BOXERS.”

As a Vikings fan, I’m definitely hoping we see Carolina in the second round, provided we don’t lose to Washington by 40 in the first round.

Belichick totally blew this game to screw the Steelers and it’s the best thing in NFL history since the Odell Beckham controversy.

Sure except for that time he held down a female trainer and teabagged her.

Way to spoil the surprise for your nephew, James. Now he knows exactly what kind of institutional racism is in store for him.

I'd guess that the median Deadspin commenter is a 34-year-old white male with middle-to-high income but also above-average alcohol consumption. So we're taking about a remaining live expectancy of 47 years, give or take. My best guess is that you'll die in 2060, perhaps just a few days before Sasha Obama wins her…