Hayden, I'ma let you have your baby, but, Jessica Simpson's first pregnancy was the longest of all time.

I don't understand the pearl clutching about social justice

Obligatory:

"Under 25 preferred. Any older than that and you'll come with an attitude and blame me for your situation."

So proud of those kids, they've just made my night! It's just like the Children's March of 1963! I now have nothing to say to all of this, but:

In a just universe, homeless (but queer and larcenous) waif answers the ad, slips something in the guy's drink to make him sleep, then ties him naked to the bed. Then she and her girlfriend ransack his place, take anything of value, and find the PINs for all his cards. They depart after taking a few pics of him naked…

His place is so clean and generically decorated! Do you think he used the photos from the ads before he moved in, and photoshopped the Lays in to add some personality, or do you think he cleaned up real nice before taking pictures so he could prey on the homeless girl of his dreams?

this motherfucker

Thank you for bringing attention to this. I really believe in what my tweet said, that Peter MacKay thinks misogyny is understandable. He is our federal minister who has signed into law a bill that goes into effect this Saturday, the anniversary of the Montreal massacre.
This day is reserved in Canada to remember women…

Banks is totally an asshole, but it doesn't change the fact that she's right 90% of the time. She's very smart and very vocal and she doesn't care about butting heads which is why she has such a bad reputation. But she hasn't said an untrue thing about T.I. or Iggy yet.

This is a goddamn outrage. This has NO BUSINESS on my Deadspin page. WHAT IS HE THINKING? Dale, what am I supposed to tell my kids? How am I going to explain this to them? They look at athletes and, yes, umpires, as ROLE MODELS and now you go about taunting this in my face. Dale, it's "Mike and me." It didn't seem…

I also think this is like the absolute perfect example for how men can comment and participate in feminism, you know besides believing that women deserve equal treatment and living your life in a way to ensure that happens. Too often do men enter feminist spheres and end up trying to dominate the conversation and…

I just think Terry Crews is the most delightful person, and that opinion is compounded every time I watch him in an interview. I even love the way they initially cast him in Brooklyn 99, which is as a sergeant who has to stop working in the field for a while because he gets panic attacks at the thought of dying and…

Alright, guys. It's been translated for you by one of your own, so no more excuses and no more "I don't get it." Time to get with the program, or Terry C. will come pec-flex you into oblivion.

The punishment for "threatening to make you fall down" should be death, yes.

*files nails*

Anyone who even threatens to make you fall down is potentially murdering you or ruining your entire life.

Why the fuck is nobody talking about John Crawford III? He's not even on the list here of other black people essentially executed by the police. There was no jury indictment for Crawford, even though there was VERY CLEAR security camera EVIDENCE that the responding officers lied and used unnecessary force for a man…

"The looting and arson was unnecessary, but it is not and never will be worse or more sad than police willfully shooting unarmed black people."