Another reason in favor circumcision: it stops yet another stupid action by the stupid.

The roach?

DLC—it’s time to let go of your childhood parental issues. Here—have a roll of pennies.

Have you ever laughed in front of the patient?

A new murder weapon!

Have you ever had a triangular piece of tortilla chip get stuck in your throat? (Or a small pretzel in the case of Pres. GW Bush?) You think you’ve done it thousands of times. You think you’re an expert. Then, GAAAACK! You’re Cathy....

I’m with you. Sure, I know there are a lot of activities to the opposite. But when you’ve had more than one kidney stone removed and cystoscopy to make sure your cancer (it was really minor, really) hasn’t come back, you appreciate the typical male maxim that the penis is EXIT ONLY! And if you like to stick things in,…

If it’s a screw, can’t it just be backed out? I swear, the number of people capable of simple home repairs declines annually (not to be confused with “anally.”).

You’re forgetting the prison inmate/visitor who had a small handgun in her vagina. Now, I find vaginas more than exciting on their own, but that’s just too much.

And then, ironically, they’d beg Mexico to take them back....

Well, the Iraqis and Afghanis managed to kill and maim a lot of coalition soldiers with small arms, IEDs and suicide bombers. I have to believe that we would be even more lethal if the tables were turned. And, by our very nature, I don’t think the American people, of all political affiliations, would be amenable to an…

But a bigger body just needs more caloric intake to maintain internal body temperature? So wouldn’t smaller be better so you don’t run out of food and go all cannibal on the other residents in your home?

Shitty party. I’m leaving.

Easy solution: vodka. Really.

Yeah, but they don’t expel kids from school for making a gun with their fingers. Assuming they still have fingers....

Have you heard that some of the armaments in those giant Soviet and China military parades were actually made of wood? I don’t know if that’s true (sounds logical) but why don’t we do that with our missile upgrades? You know, a fresh sheet of aluminum and some shiny paint, and, voila! We save a lot of money on…

Oh, man! I bought this from that guy in Panama. He swore it’d be easy to finish. I guess he’s doing some more work to it before he ships it to me.

I say Dick Cheney. He’s a vampire so powerful that only a nuclear strike can remove him.

But that last—modernize the weapons? Should we? Do we need to? What would be the point of Russia or China nuking us? What would they do with all of the territory glowing brighter than the Chernobyl region? And with so many well-armed Americans, does anybody want to start an occupation? I’m sure we’ll be greeting the…

That has been changed to the Florida and Texas US side borders to effect their breakaway from the US. I’m not sure where all of our domestic crazy news will come from, but I do support the plan.