You, personally? It’s not likely, but I suggest you keep on the move. Although, with modern satellites, that might not be enough to keep you from turning into a puff of plasma.

Could we have a game system or two?

NOOOOOOOOOooooooo! It’s the auto-genetic father of the Pontiac Aztec! Get it off my monitor!

Do a 6-hour race. All the fun without the pain. Also, the fact that there were only 11 teams has gotta be your first clue that you’re make a mistake. “Hmm. Only 11 teams? I would’ve thought that this would be much more popular.”

I was being funny. You might want to get out of your mom’s basement once in awhile and experience more of the world. Don’t take yourself so seriously. You’re not an expert on pot or on motorcycles so just have some fun.

You realize that the rest of the group left while you were still putting on your helmet and gloves? And then you sat there on your bike for about an hour and a half imagining that you were riding better than you ever had? And then you took off riding two gears lower than usual and, yes, doing everything “perfectly”…

I think that it’s admirable that Mazda’s advertising department is thinking outside the box. “Look at all of the cargo space! You can even operate a meth lab!” I bet they could even do that in a Mazda 2.

Are you kidding? The only factory specials cost more money because they have things like upgraded suspension. Pikes Peak is an obscure race that gets about 1 hour of broadcast time every year. The manufacturers like to win but don’t really care about Pike’s Peak, hence most of the racers have no manufacturer…

1990s - 2000s, Sunday Morning Ride in Marin and Sonoma Counties in Nor. Cal.: two of the fastest (and oldest) riders would smoke a bit several times on the ride. I never understood it and other riders rarely participated.

Little? Sure.

Really? And they let random people wander around the property? No, it’s Ecuador, and something that size is easily within the range of a retiring foreigner (or even a legitimately well-to-do local).

Maybe the owner is a HUGE international swimming fan and it’s named after Ian Thorpe of Australia? Hey! I said “maybe!”

500,000,000 doesn’t seem “weird” to me. Volunteers first!

Motorcycle, too, but you’re expected to do EVERYTHING—oil, coolant, brake fluid, brakes, chain, suspension, blah blah blah.

I disagree. They should be placed in a cage at the zoo after the chimpanzee enclosure (“Here are the apes, then the chimpanzees, and then this species that we think lead to Cro-Magnon man. Fascinating, yes?”)

Whether at the dealer, at a budget oil change place, or some indepent repair place, how could the mechanic have believed that using a sawzall was a necessary part of the oil change process? How? Or to use it for ANY maintenance activity?

And Austin, TX is named after the wrestler?

Yeah, just try driving our cars through your centuries-old horse-cart lanes. And parking? It’ll make NYC seem like a wide-open parking lot in comparison. Oh, right, the price of gas? Game, set and match—they’ll be sticking to small cars with high mileage (like we should be doing).

Yow! Who beat the sense of humor out of you? Why are you getting so bent out of shape? We (the US) regularly take the piss out of foreign brands, it’s a time-honored tradition. And someone jokingly does this about an American car and you’re immediately hacking the White House for nuclear launch codes? People like you…

Wait, wait, wait! Four wheels and molten plastic? I am SO going to try that. I’ll let you know how it works.