I swear, we needed to do a special section of books organized by color. Or organized by what radio/television show it was on (thank the gods we had a lot of booksellers who listened to NPR, so they knew the book of the day before customers even asked for the title.) But people who came in asking for the book on…

Wow. Just because you can order your quinoa and kale chips with a bestseller on Amazon doesn't mean you can pull that on a bricks and mortar store.

Dumb bookstore customer time! We had a customer come in, while our awesome indy bookstore was still three stories, and ask how to get to a section that was on the second floor. A friend of mine and coworker pointed out the very visible staircase. The customer asked him, I kid you not, "yes, but do the stairs go up?"

My Latin professor posted a photo a dead bird he found in a container of spring greens. It was a bit purple so I thought it was just some bird-shaped radicchio and then it was like o.O

"Soda experience." A phrase brought to you by the same marketing people who call an upscale strip mall a "lifestyle center."

Wait, wait, Alabama is in the Southwest? Then why did I get a pansy-ass fried flour tortilla from the store with a sprinkle of cinnamon sugar when I ordered a sopapilla? I'm not even going to mention what passes for green chile around here...

This is me looking at the people who saw your license plate. (This is also me flailing at posting animated gifs on Kinja!)

The Columbian Mrs. Doyle doesn't screw around.