And I just won a free Xbox!

And you’re so attractive because you make $400 a day working from home!

Thank god there are still hot singles in my area that want to fuck me now.

Having hope as a Panthers fan was a strange and wonderful feeling. That's all gone now...

Welp, it was cool pretending that Cam Newton could have competent NFL receivers to throw to for like, all of 5 months.

I coached youth basketball for years, everyone got a participation trophy. It’s not necessarily about making every child feel good (even though that’s a happy side-effect!) but more an appreciation of their willingness to try.

News flash to today’s parents: every generation has bitched about “kids these days”. We (parents) are not special in this regard. Taking crap away from children that we got ourselves doesn’t accomplish anything for them, it just makes you temporarily feel better about your own shortcomings. Until you look for the next…

“ Put on a show while I go fill your mom with dick nectar”