And for those of us who don’t have kids...

Damn. And I thought I was the only one.

Jerry Koosman?

Speaking as a Tom (a Junior one, no less!), I endorse this selection.

...which, by the way, is a rather shallow pool...

To be fair, any sound emanating from an anus is going to sound like a fart.

But nobody cared if he never came back.

Wait, didn’t Jim Bob Cooter play QB for West Texas Teacher’s College in the 1970s?

I had one. It sucked.

I can almost feel the pulsating jets...

Benger could have resolved this a lot quicker if he’d just thrown a beer can at him.

Dear Putin: Attached, please find a map of potential targets for your Satan 2 ICBM...

Make America Vomit Again

I am sorry that my past has called into question the character or integrity of The New York Giants...

Now I don’t feel so bad about my beloved Orioles and their 33-year WS drought.

Well, the Cavs finally won a championship. Cubs vs. Indians in the World Series. A woman is about to ascend to the Presidency. The GOP is imploding before our very eyes. The entire electoral process has devolved into a hideous reality show. China and Russia are villains again. Somehow, Kevin James got a new show.

You’re not a Florida State fan, I’m betting.

More like Joey Batshitcrazy, amirite?

Damn, who threw a beer can at you?