My husband and I were talking about this last night, but more in the context of: had either of us been on that flight, we would have just gotten up and volunteered if this scenario started. Like...if this passenger was THIS UPSET about being asked to get off the flight, I would think someone else would have been…

I may be in the minority, but I’m actually relieved that the membership cost has dropped, as I never took advantage of the unlimited nature of the membership. I signed up back when it was $99/10 classes and still never hit 10 classes a month, so the grandfathered fee of $120 is still decent to me. However, I’m still…

I was overcome with terror when that woman slid the baby into the pool. These babies must be robots or something.

As the republicans in my family keep trying to convince me: flip-flopping and lying is DIFFERENT THAN BEING CORRUPT. But, I’m naive and ignorant so what do I know?

I got presale tickets for a 2017 show (that is also on my birthday) and basically ran around my office air humping everything for a solid 10 minutes. Even though it’s in 2017 and Miranda will not be in it, I am psyched.

My cousins have been posting CONSTANTLY about how he still has a chance and the mainstream media is lying to the public. I find it less and less cute by the hour.

It’s the sideways movement! I had to close my eyes through half of this ride because I was about to lose it. Had to take a knee on rides for a while afterward.

This vision already exists and his name is Adam Lambert. Though he doesn’t have the “dead behind the eyes look” the Scotts have.

The knife thing works if you gently tap it into the middle of the cork and twist. I suggest a paring knife vs. a giant serrated knife.

I was SERIOUSLY JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS LAST NIGHT. I was hoping there’d be some sort of glossary, because they have all been GOLD.

My only veto would be the luxurious pouch. My necessities pouch is a nasty shade of Vera Bradley, and it is covered in ash and smells like a sarcophagus. Ain’t nobody got time for a Barney’s weed satchel. Unless you don’t carry any weed in it, but like...c’mon.

You’re So Last Summer - Taking Back Sunday

The saddest one I have heard so far is when they interviewed two surviving children from the Oklahoma City Bombing and their parents who were in the building at the time. I had to start doing my makeup all over again.

I do that all the time. I work with mostly men and spend a lot of social time with them without my husband being around. I have also spent time with my male friends from childhood without my husband being around. I have even spent time alone with my husband’s friends without him being around. He has also spent time…

Perhaps that explains the excessive use of weird acronyms.

I WAS WAITING FOR THIS.

Yeah, this was especially fucked. But I think she was in the room, he just asked who (insert nickname that I can’t remember) was, and the answer was way off. It was the nickname for his favorite aunt, and the answer typed out was like...childhood friend from school or something. They did it twice and it was wrong both…

This was on TV recently and I forced my husband to watch almost 3/4 of it. He kept side-eyeing me and I was like NOPE.

I consider this a non-issue.

It’s only 10:40 in the morning, but I’m confident this is one of the funniest things I will read all day.