I’ve requested a good old fashioned Irish wake. Lay me out on the kitchen table for a few days just to make sure I’m really gone.

I FUCKING LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT CHRISTMAS except for all the religious crap.

He and Kat Denning are my favorite celeb couple. They’re both so charming and witty, how could you not love them?

Manufactured overenthusiastic positivity is one trait that makes me instantly dislike someone and then feel instantly bad for being so quick to call people fake and disingenuous. Not that feeling bad changes my opinion on that person.

Most “positive” people are delusional.

This terrifies me. Its already difficult to leave the house on account of my gigantic anxiety disorder. I already think everyone is judging me every time I walk down the street, but THIS? Oh Jeez. It makes me shaky even thinking about it!

The last wedding I went to was all buffet and even had a sliders station. Boom! Problem solved.

Not just nice floors, carpet is even worse. I have no idea why people wear shoes on carpet.

Forget tatami, walking inside at all with shoes on is disgusting. I don’t want all that crap outside tracked all over my nice floors.

My dad always taught me to never trust the police, and no matter what happened. Just repeat I want a lawyer.

I’m into sex FOR the penetration. The rest I can do myself.

It’s possible! I can come very quickly from only vaginal sex when I'm super into it mentally.

I’m not winter adverse either.

No, spring is the worst.

No joke, summer is the worst season. I loathe being hot. All I ever want is to need to wear a heavy coat. Also, I think some people really are just genuinely drawn to melancholy. The darkening days are romantic to some of us.

Nutella isn’t even good.

I think I’m too awkward for a meet cute. Anytime I accidentally bump into a stranger I just apologize and run away.

My freshman year of college (about 4 years ago,) I smoked and got high for the first time, resulting in a horrific panic attack where anxiety induced physical symptoms led me to believe I was dying.

This would be a great bed for myself and my partner. I am a feared bed conqueror in my sleep. This bed is so big he could find relief on hot nights by hugging the wall in a desperate attempt to escape my long limbs and radiating body heat.