OK, here’s what we’ve got: the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with ... the saucer people, under the supervision of ... the reverse vampires, are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner!

*dials 1-900-Mix-A-Lot*

I got the idea when I noticed the refrigerator was cold ...

So, the gist of this is: “AlienStock doesn’t want to be Fyre Fest 2.0", or as I like to believe it would’ve been referred to, had it been handled by more-inept hands: “E.T.-apalooza doesn’t want to be Woodstock 99 3.0" ...

Seattle Man is Florida Man’s aloof, socially-maladjusted cousin whose hijinks largely take place indoors, with the shades drawn, while listening to a bootleg Tool concert and drinking a 13% ABV IPA ...

WHO WANTS GINGER SNAPS?!?

I don’t know all the ins and outs, but my family had some ... thing that allowed us to get Showtime illegally.  Between that, my VCR, and an itchy record finger, I had a few carefully curated VHS tapes that got me through most of my teenage years.  God damn the 90's were terrible ...

I keep having this feeling that, in 20 years, we’ll look back at this movie and cringe at the effects, like The Lawnmower Man or something from the 90's ...

This thing writes itself!

So, is Kurt Russell playing the same guy he played in Death Proof?  Because I’m for it ...

Friday Night’s A Great Night For Football!

I do not want this ...

Don’t forget about Santos L. Halper!

Remember when Aquaman was a dumb punchline of a movie concept so who really cares about any of this anyway? They could’ve called this movie “Jason Momoa’s Abs” and it would’ve made a billion dollars ...

At this point, I only want to watch Stephen King adaptations where he DOESN’T think much of the script ...

Aren’t fanboys more likely to want to seek out positive reviews of movies they’re already going to like before having seen them?  I feel like a lot of sites are more inclined to cater to fanboys to boost their own traffic numbers which in turn leads to an uptick in RT numbers ...

They call me Mr. Pitiful ...

Here’s to Lindsey getting bumped for time again!

Can I introduce you to this?

But is it true that this man has no dick?