The first two PS2 games were more like what you were expecting. After that, Square kinda went “let’s see how much bullshit we can get away with until it stops making money,” and the rest is history.

There’s a difference between “I will never lie to you” honesty and “fuck, your baby is ugly” honesty.

I was just thinking about how Bernie is like Pikachu—popular with the kids, but can’t really do much in a real battle.

Not just “bitch,” though. Think about it: how do you imply a dude is weak or scared? “You pussy. Where are your balls? In your purse? Why don’t you man up?”

If you want to insult a man, call him a woman.

If one’s conscious doesn’t take into consideration the people who won’t survive a Trump presidency, your conscious sucks.

“Two mommies” sounds creepy in a “grown-ass man speaking about the grown-ass mothers of another grown-ass man” kinda way.

You can tell a lot about a guy by his reaction to the question, “why are men afraid of women?”

Apparently the best way to get back at those “other” countries that are kicking our ass at stuff like math, science, literature—you know, all that sissy book-learnin’ stuff—is to have a strong army that you can wave in your enemies’ faces like a big, thick, meaty, all-American...Ballpark hot dog.

Trump.

He looks like a bad hombre.

People not knowing history like this is why we have jackasses saying stuff like, “well actually, it was the REPUBLICANS who got rid of slavery, so...”

I would like to ask the creators of games and characters like Pokemon what they think of the totally batshit fucked up fan theories and if any of them stop and think, “oh, they’re gonna have a field day with this new thing...”

“When you married him for the money and he hasn’t fucking died yet.”

Yes, this planet needs to go now.

*tries to pull phone out of pocket to record scandalous conversation; her foot slips off the toilet and she faceplants into the side of the stall. Her phone goes bloop into the bowl.*

You could hear the glass shattering in his mind.

Self-fulfilling prophecy.

Yes, but the stubby-armed creature with the big mouth in “Jurassic Park” wound up saving the protagonists, even if it wasn’t on purpose. I don’t think we’ll have the same luck.