The older you get the less tolerant to being in close proximity to other people you become. That's why as you get older you get bigger apartments, houses, cars, pants, etc. At some point crowding into a space with hundreds of drunk, sticky people becomes too terrifying for words. That is also the point where insurance…

I'm in my 30s and the thought of going out for New Years Eve is absolutely horrifying to me. Not too long ago I wouldn't have even been able to imagine a NYE without partying all night. I guess what I'm saying is — when the fuck did I get so old?

Beer and Uncharted 3. Is that better or worse?

Someone was angry that I snatched Ricky Rubio out from their greasy clutches.

High basketball IQ...

Are you the International Poise Conspiracy?

What you are explaining is one of the many paradoxes of time travel. There is only one constant we can know for certain in this scenerio: The Yankees are fucking bums either way.

Wrong thread, moron.

This is the same country that has somehow made Elisabeth Hasselbeck a star. America loves a bitch.

Don't you live in Canada? Can't you just write "COLD" on a piece of tape and have it do the same thing?

I always set the cruise but I spend most of my time in the left lane. I always set it for 9-12 over the limit. What pisses me off is when I go the same speed for like 10 miles, pass someone and then they pass me five minutes later and then slow down in front of me and I have to hit the brakes. The other person is…

My best rental car moment this year was getting a Fiat 500 before their big advertising campaign and having to drive it around rural Alabama for a few days. I stopped at a Chick-fil-A and every single person in the restaurant went outside to look at the funny little car. People were honking and giving me thumbs up on…

I don't ever not use cruise control. Anytime I'm on a highway I use it unless it's bumper to bumper traffic. And even then I use it if I can. I know a lot of people won't use it because they feel they get too relaxed or whatever but I never feel that way. If I'm on an open highway I get so pissed when I have to hit…

I got an Edge last week (which was just awesome) which not only had satellite radio but touch screen everything. It made the 200 mile drive through the Great Plains at night so much better. But I almost died about eleven times while trying to figure out how to change the radio station without turning the heat up to…

This is the same country that has somehow made Elisabeth Hasselbeck a star. America loves a bitch.

I had a rental car over the last few days — it was a 2012 Ford Focus — and the fucking thing didn't have cruise control! I had no idea you could even get cars without this luxurious item anymore. It's like buying a sixer of cans and finding they have those old pull tab things. I told the asshole at the counter I had…

I took advantage of the warmer-than-usual weather today and moved some things I had buried in my backyard to more a more secluded place. I've put it off before and then had to sweat out the entire winter while the ground was too frozen for digging.

Here's a composite sketch of the wanted individual.

I used to walk to a Mom-and-Pop grocery store by my house and buy packs of these as a kid. The gum tasted strangely like Tabby.