My relationship with Mr.61Below was the scandal of senior year, so I assuredly will be dragging his butt out of the woods to come with me. But I'm going to go to my reunion with an axe to grind, so even if it does flop as hard as junior prom, at least I'll have him to sit with.

In a proper apology, you apologize for the [insert batshit offenive act] ...not for offending people. The onus is not on the people who were offended, it's on the people who acted badly.

I was going to cite the time Mr.61Below laid at the bottom of the stairs right before his mom came home, distorted like he'd broken his neck, but I figured this gal would have probably just felt relieved. (Edited to add, this is the same man who put a real (live) wolf spider into a coworker's tool box. We have a very…

Oh hai.

Just because you haven't bought your crossbow yet doesn't mean you have to rain on our parade.

No kidding: "Unfortunately, due to unforeseen demand, we have a limited supply of shark socks this holiday season. Once we sell out, we will not have more available until late February 2012. We apologize for any inconvenience." Nooooo!

For better oomf with your shark socks, make them with a cuff that matches the lucky recipient's skin tone. Aw, now I'm bummed that I already started my mom's TARDIS socks!

Heh. Presented by FasSexFiendbender in SHAME. *Face twitches.*

*Sheepishly raises hand* Is it pronounced SKY-rim or ski-RIM? I'm a hermit.

My grandpa-in-law (the one who's now a pranking poltergeist, yes that one) lied about his age to get into the Navy after Pearl Harbor. He was on a Destroyer escort at Normandy and was torpedoed twice. After the war, his idea of a 'honeymoon' was to road trip from MN to Chicago and New York to meet up with his…

Fuck. That. Shit.

Didn't you get the memo that ovaries make you public domain?

Hell, that sounds like one wonderful game of capture the flag.

No tents? No problem!

Take that, add a few pinches of rosemary, and you have heaven on a plate.

Yep, a rural mining town, actually. Oh, I also have a friend with two fake knees because he stepped back one step too far while roofing. Accidents happen. You take what precautions you can, and shrug when things happen. Actually, there was just an explosion at one of the plants yesterday. Luckily no one was killed.

In related news, taking away my sushi turns out to be hazardous to your health. Who knew?

Oh my goodness ow. It was devastating when she died, but (to be honest) freak accidents have happened so often that it's almost normal to me. *Examples hereafter: One of my friends chopped off his foot cutting firewood not long after my teammate died, but the doctors were able to reattach it. Another teammate from a…

I can't fathom how she still has her head! One of my figure skating teammates was decapitated when she tripped into the prop of her dad's plane.

Huh, well, it looks like I just gave birth via my nose this morning. Is that normal?