My husband's clan is not Catholic, yet his 4 year old niece was enrolled in a Catholic school. I asked her what she's learning, and she makes the sign of the cross, saying, "Father, Son, and Bowling Spirit." I made the mistake of laughing so now she makes a point of saying it wrong.

Fun fact: blue LED lights glow like props from Avatar when turned off.

@ElJay42: We're going to call our first daughter Lena, but because no one says the Finnish version (which rhymes with Jenna, not Gina) we'll name her Eleanor. Then we can also call her Else or Elske when the mood strikes us. But I'm stuck on good Finnish boy names because they sound feminine when Americanized, or are…

@mutualcraze: Buttershots! A very little goes a long way

Nothing like using my $40,000 college diploma to wrap, carry through knee deep snow, wait on windy porches, and deliver flowers.

@KateFace: Well, blood spurts from their noses often enough!

@AtomiClash humanitarian mizanthrope: Shh! You're ruining capitalism!

I...I can't unsee it.

Time for a celebratory LOTR marathon complete with hot chocolate + buttershots!

Pro tip: park close and run fast!

I understand that this article is satirical, but this is the status quo to too many people. I've had too many dogs dumped down my road, including an old Rottweiler covered in scars and a mutt puppy with a broken tail. Too many people get dogs they won't train and then abandon them for behavioral issues.

@TophBeiFong: True story, my Weimaraner chewed up my copy of Twilight for that very reason. I couldn't even get mad at him because, well, he was entirely justified.

I went right into this expecting stfuparents level debauchery, but when I read "wake up" I completely lost it.

I had that clock in 5th grade. That year was so horrible that I was having suicidal thoughts by spring, and every. day. that robin sang me awake to hell. I still feel vague echos of Bad whenever I hear robins sing. That clock is evil.

Instead of leaf-blowers or revving Harleys, can we book a symphony? With a mass choir? Tarps, flags, mobile megatrons, or even mirrors (facing the haters, of course, since they're so full of vanity) are wonderful, but I would like to hear their vitriol drowned out by the chorus of sweet music.

I'm still waiting for a trebuchet.

I would even go further and say that neurosis-fueled bed time life confessions lead to the best sex. Because there's nothing like sobbing onto your partner's shoulder (about nothing), airing your worries (about nothing), hearing them assuaged, and cuddling that just...leads to mind-blowing sexy times. I think this…

Aw come on, he just spilled coffee on his sweater and his tank top was pulled off with it.

All these loving comments have me weeping. Good night, sweet lady. You are exemplary.

You keep your cowboy, and I'll keep my mountainman.