Pumpkin/squash/kabocha! Omnomnomnom.

Okra is a sick prank. It's unnecassary, cruel and emits slime. Eating okra should be on the flowchart psychologists use to gauge sociopathic behaviors.

I read #5 as “Is casually good at naps” and was like ‘yeah, I’m into that’.

I love how the pizza bedding is dsiplayed in a spotless, modern-furnishings bedroom. Because I think the Venn diagram of “people who buy this bedding” and “people who have that furniture” is two circles about 500 light-years apart.

Adore Delano is a she, Daniel Noriega is a he.

Almack’s Hellfire Dungeon Nightmare Club: coming soon to a BDSM romance novel near you

And you can tell this woman’s first language is not English from her Facebook post, so fuck people who are trying to subtly justify this treatment even harder. Watching store clerks snap at my family members who can’t understand rapid fire English leaves me with zero interest in seeing this from the fake manager’s…

I feel you too, and in the peak periods the adrenaline can really flow while you’re trying to micromanage 20 different orders and I felt like I was close to snapping at times too. That said, if I ever did snap in this fashion without a probable cause I probably shouldn’t be allowed to keep the job.

I’ve gotta cut him some slack here. Just like extraordinarily good-looking women, men who are that attractive (famous or not) get hit on all the time, and they get sick of it. I can’t blame anyone for dispensing with the niceties when it’s the hundredth time that day.

Bill Clinton is as devastatingly charming in person as he appears on TV. That’s all I got.

One time I was flying from JFK to SFO, with a layover in Phoenix and saw Flavor Flav waiting at our gate. We went over and talked to him, he showed us the bag of clocks he keeps in Target bags with the rest of his Target bag luggage, and took a photo with us. He sat behind us on the plane (in coach) and yelled…

I’m totally that person—I hate mornings, and checking my email/reading things on my phone lets me wake up enough to not be a total bitch to the humans in my house.

I have to explain to her that it’s not alchemy or magic that transmutes peppercorns into pepper

I had a woman request a new glass of ice water, because, and I can’t make this up, “her ice water was watered down.”

I would disagree, actually. If a 5-year-old is showing a proclivity for logic and reason, that should absolutely be encouraged. God knows there’s enough dumb, nonsensical people in the world; we don’t need more of them.

My mom is a transplanted Midwestern lady living in a small island town in south Texas. There are a lot of great stories I could tell about her (she was briefly Mormon because the only church within walking distance of her family’s farm was a Mormon temple and then she got a scholarship to BYU and, as she likes to tell…

{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to everyone who NEEDED this post!

If you can’t afford to tip appropriately, you can’t afford to eat out.

This:

My 72 year old mother, just today: