Well folks, this is what I was made to do.

He’s the type of football player the Cincinnati Bengals should be drafting, but here we go, another year of drafting someone who’s missing another body part; their brain.

I’m still not sure this isn’t a weird 2k glitch.

If Donald Trump hadn’t decided to twit about how terrible the NFL is, this would have been the point where I give up on football in general (I’ve given up on the NCAA already). I’ve already given up on the Bengals, who were my second team, until they get rid of their owner. Yes, I know that won’t happen.

Fuck yeah.

Ahh, another article for the namesake of my resolution to a long-suffering sports team’s problems that I like to call The Bill Wirtz Solution.

I was going for an linear approximation of ability to withstand pain, but that also works.

This looks like a new Mustang in much the same way that getting slapped about the head with a board looks like a good idea for a Friday night.

I think you did a good enough job at it. This really is just a giant Jedi Mind Trick.

Hey, how many of you remember that high school championship basketball game over in Pittsburgh we played in?

I know it would take a major increase in manpower, but what would it take to dual-crew a ship, in the same way that subs are done?

and then SET ON FIRE BECAUSE BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN

This is like watching UHF at times.

This was all foretold in the epic poem;

YOU FORGOT THE THREE BLACK FRIENDS/THREE BLACK PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN IN THEIR HOUSE

Is it bad that I want to buy a large flagpole, put it up in my front yard, and fly the fucking British flag from it?

Jesus, Parks and Rec really nailed the community input part...

Atlanta, man.

Honestly, it’s kind of the same thing I saw in the Super Bowl where the Denver defense just absolutely removed an entire team’s (Carolina) will to live.

See, I don’t get this. Why is this guy playing in the NFL? It’s becoming more and more obvious every day that he’s just a huge distraction.