...or maybe I'm referring to how pregnancy actually does ravage the body.

Oh, you mean the way you clearly assumed I was some kind of fornicating hippy, I pointed out I don't roll that way and then suddenly you didn't have nearly as much to say?

"You'd rather have an argument than [some folksy homespun hokum]."

People who actually still use middle fingers in this day and age = bros.

Me and dead owls don't give a hoot.

Yeah, okay. The second of your problems is that you need to assume that I have a given point of view stemming from my personal experience which in turn gives you leeway to make judgements on me.

"Religion gives hope and comfort in a world torn apart by religion."

Who exactly has condemned you for anything? You decided for yourself that to bestow the love you have for your wife on any other individual simultaneously would be a "humiliation". You condemn yourself.

I do have to wonder about the idea of every single friend she has literally moving far, far away from her. It's not seeming to me that the problem is them...

It's misogyny to make allusions to how pregnancy ravages the body?

Absolutely. But I am a bad friend.

What is a 'relationship' but the introduction of sex to something that was previously a 'friendship'? And I can absolutely guarantee that I spend time with friends and my partner doesn't regard it as cheating. Likewise, she's definitely not the person on this earth who knows the most about me. I've been through and…

Have you looked into birthday suits? I hear they work just as well.

Yeah that's right, show some ankle baby...

Isn't this something your baby daddy should be doing for you?

Back in my day we had these things called Lego. And there was none of this fancy-schmancy Redstone nonsense. No, if you wanted the bricks to move, well by god you had to move 'em your damn self!

No, that was me.

Art Crawl pretty much sorted us out for the next five years.

Swype. Need it. Or nearest equivalent. Thanks.

It's quite simple really: