Have you looked into birthday suits? I hear they work just as well.

Yeah that's right, show some ankle baby...

Isn't this something your baby daddy should be doing for you?

Back in my day we had these things called Lego. And there was none of this fancy-schmancy Redstone nonsense. No, if you wanted the bricks to move, well by god you had to move 'em your damn self!

No, that was me.

Art Crawl pretty much sorted us out for the next five years.

Swype. Need it. Or nearest equivalent. Thanks.

It's quite simple really:

And how many goals would constitute a "challenge"? You strike me easily as someone sad enough to have actually done that research.

I noticed that I was doing this after attempting to use the same tactics playing as Chelsea and finding that they were utterly shit.

Typical Spurs fan.

Why be that guy?

YOU SUCK MCBAIN.

Yeah, that would make sense.

If I felt even half the joy for anything as Ray Hudson feels for watching Messi pick his nose, I would be on a cloud of happiness all day, every day.

I would rather drink a pint of my own poo than listen to Warren Barton's witless anal-scrapings.

I hope you did so while holding your hand in front of his face.

Nah, he just sees his buddy already has dibs on the guy. 2 on 1 is unsporting.

But were you abluting your tits on the regular? Inquiring perverts want to know!

I would set fire to that apartment with a biiiiiiiig smile on my face.