in truth, we never really gave up on the philosopher's stone.

You know how like some jobs won't hire you if you don't have work experience, but how can you have work experience if they won't hire you? Biggs is one of those actors that continually gets cast in things just because he was lucky enough to fuck a pie 15 years ago. And so now, just because people know his face and…

"No, ma'am, actually the sun is going to remain in its place as it has for millions of years. The Earth, however, will continue spinning and proceeding on its orbit as planned; would you like me to ask a manager to pull the emergency brake?"

"Calcium does such frightful things to my bones, making them so dense and heavy. Without calcium, I can live my life in brittle fragility as God intended."

A walk-in 40... I'm crying. I'm crying for the server. I'm crying for the host and bussers who had to put that table together. How does a group of 40 people not have a single person in it that says MAYBE THIS IS A BAD IDEA AND MAYBE THIS IS RUDE.

Aaaand now I'm hungry.

This is me every Monday at 11.

I'm genuinely baffled that so many people think autism is somehow totally okay as a possible outcome.

YOU GUYS I want an actual Muslim president so bad. It doesn't even matter where he or she stands on the issues; it would be worth it just to watch these morons cry and shit themselves.

She said many times on her show, "I never turn down a gig. This could all go away tomorrow." She's got hustle and work ethic for days.

People really don't recognize her hustle. She was/is a straight D-lister, per her old show. She worked that angle to become a popular underdog and icon in her own right. She was never bitchy or came across as greedy. She makes jokes about being bitchy and greedy but at the end of the day she comes across as honest. I…

I promise you that I would. Not because I was so great, but because this was that bad.

ALSO: Where are both of their parents?

Erin you da real MVP

Maybe it's because Madonna has built her entire career on passing off other people's innovations as her own and making sure the original authors of things don't get as much credit for their work as she does.

Well, I mean, now that it's happened to her she can empathize. Just like Republicans who have gay children and are suddenly all aboard the equal marriage train. Heartless until it's a problem they're personally facing. And that's what this woman was. Heartless. Excuse me if I don't applaud her sudden change of heart.

Congrats, but I find it odd that you had to beg for a tubal ligation on your own behalf and it fell on deaf ears. Meanwhile they were secretly handing them out in prison. It's the denial of personal choice, humanity and respect as a person that bugs me about this situation.

I tried so hard to have a tubal ligation when I was young. I was a single mother of two when I was 21, and even though I had a great job and supportive community, I did not want any more children and had nearly died having my youngest, and was paranoid to the point of celibacy due to having become pregnant twice…