Counterpoint Exhibit 1 - I cut my own bangs a few weeks ago, because they cover at least two of my fivehead, and they look goddamned awesome.

Someone tried to give Donald Trump a thesaurus, he said “I’m too busy for dinosaurs” and threw it away.

If you stripped the microwave down to its component parts and used them to turn the housing of your oven into a working microwave, that would in fact be pretty cool. And if you did it at 14, it would be exceptionally cool. And more to the point, it wouldn’t be anything any reasonable adult could investigate and think…

I’m 47 and still not over the Dorothy Hamill bob cut my mom inflicted on me in the 70’s so she wouldn’t have to deal with my perpetually tangled, curly hair. I STILL won’t cut my hair above my shoulders.

Jackie Collins, Judith Krantz, Shirley Conran and Jilly Cooper were my fairy godmothers. Their books stopped time and created a fluffy cloud of pure escapism. Complete with raunchy sex, Hermes bags, Perrier Jouet champagne and panthers on diamond leashes. *sigh* RIP Hollywood Jackie.

Who?

Well, let’s just wait and see if they meet my demands.

“Who is Alanis?”

Dear fellow readers of Kitchenette:

Cannot process nuance!

My dog, Princess Trudy, died this afternoon. I’m overwhelmed with emotion, but amazed at the love outpouring from family and friends. She was 16 1/2, and had a great life.

Grew up hunting. Family ranch in south Texas, one of the first to actively manage whitetail deer as a herd starting in the 70s (thousands of pounds of formula-specific deer feed per week, curated oat fields, segregated populations, quota kills). The purpose of all of this was to engineer more bucks having bigger and…

This is going to be long, because I have a lot of pent up feelings.

I didn’t appreciate this shit! Not one IOTA!

The scariest animal encounter I had backpacking in Yellowstone was when I rounded a hillock and less than 20 feet from the curve was a Bison On.The.Motherfucking.Trail. It was not going to move. It huffed, stamped its hoof, lowered its head. Thankfully, it wasn’t a rogue bison but a younger one. We were very creative…

I wouldn’t normally think my perspective on this is that worth sharing, but you specifically asked for opinions, so here you go.

The thing that baffles me about not getting your kids vaccinated is missing what an astonishing gift immunity is. Here, for the cost of a moment’s discomfort and a $20 copay, you are protected from a scourge that has caused humanity untold pain and death for millennia.

It’s like Thetis bringing Achilles to the River…