The (Red Sox) fans come in and they take over the city.

(Two men in camouflage, lying prone in a thicket on a large hill in Columbia, one with binoculars, one with a rifle)

+1

Awesome.

Pros: Attempts to run downhill, even on horizontal surfaces.

Unfortunately for Ms. Holdsclaw, who may well be suffering from depression, her claims of being a "high-profile athlete" seem to be manufactured. When looking into her statements, reporters found that her supposed former Division 1 basketball coach had no recollection of Holdsclaw even being on the team.

+1. Spectacular.

Joe Devanna insists on taking the ball up the court in his pickup basketball games even though he can't really dribble all that well and winds up turning it over a lot. He then blames the sun, the court, hand sanitizer, the shitty ball, liberals, etc.

Oops. Sorry to step on your toes SBV8.

Topps is also in trouble for trying to include Dick Clark in the American History Relics line. It was quite the day at the office when Topps received credible information that Clark is actually still alive.

+1

+1

MLB MVP Accused of Using PEDs Never Had STD, OK?

Inexplicably striking the woodwork from close range reminds the bartender of that time Billy Joel drove through the veranda. However, Mr. De Souza flopping into the net did not exactly resemble Mr. Joel getting out of the car and ordering a Mai Tai before falling headlong off the pier into Shinnecock Bay.

+1

Still better than recent re-pairing of the two starlets in I'm Honestly Not Too Sure What You've Been Up To For These Past 10 Years Or So, (At Least After Cruel Intentions)

Hitchcock Rehash DUAN

It's the hardest thing I've ever done.

Fans can't really be blamed here. They were just trying to be helpful when the visiting team who showed up was Sporting Conflagration Pustules.

Clay Matthews celebrates juking an offensive linemen by punching a certain Mr. Hawk.