NOAA didn’t want to spook anyone, but their climate predictions revealed that Canada will be a uniform gray waste on Christmas. Snow? Ash? The model couldn’t provide that data. When asked for specifics, the computers started weeping blood and replied, “THE HOUR OF THE WENDIGO IS NIGH. ALL FLESH MUST BE EATEN. POOR…

I wish I was in a place in my life where I had nothing to get upset over and chose to fill that void by getting upset about inclusion criteria of climate prediction graphics.

White Christmas and Winter Wonderland (written before White Christmas) might have helped increase the winter imagery associated with Christmas, but they didn’t create it. Most of our modern-day Christmas traditions (like Christmas trees) come from northern European countries (like Germany), where snow is often…