World Wildlife Fund Apologizes After Years Of Working With Well-Known Whale PedophileGLAND, SWITZERLAND—Confirming it had severed all ties to the disgraced 30-ton marine mammal, the World Wildlife Fund…
Researchers Release Teeny Little Minotaur Into Maze To Test Mice’s Capacity To Use Enchanted StringCHICAGO—In an effort to study the rodents’ ability to manipulate simple magical objects, researchers at the…
Veterinarian Wishes Owner Would Just Let Dog Answer One Goddamn QuestionPHOENIX—Expressing frustration with the constant interruptions, veterinarian Dr. Kate Ludlow wished Friday that the…
Spider Panics After Losing Track Of Human It Noticed Scurry Across FloorPASADENA, TX—Frantically scanning the rug below her web, a panicked local spider confirmed Monday that she had…
11/13/19More Airports Should Be Filled With Support AnimalsI love a story about someone trying to squeeze a weird support animal onto a flight: peacocks, hamsters, squirrels,…
Pack Members Worried Young Wolf May Be Sociopath After He Mauls RabbitWHITE BIRD, ID—Quietly discussing whether the canine needed some kind of psychological help, members of the Elk…
11/7/19GTA Online Players Are Having Fun As AnimalsGrand Theft Auto Online has become a much stranger place since its latest update. The new update added peyote…
The NFL Should Change the Rules and Let Cats PlayDuring Monday night’s football game at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey, sports were interrupted by a black cat who…
11/5/19Please Meet This Very Good, Very Fat PigTwiglet might technically be a pig, but for the majority of her life, she’s lived like an unhealthy, pampered human.…
11/2/19GTA Online's Latest Update Lets Players Become Aliens, Dogs, And Even BigfootThe world of Grand Theft Auto Online has gotten a bit stranger after the latest update, released a few days ago on…
10/29/19There Is No Such Thing As Taking Too Many Photos of Your CatI am of the opinion that cats are perfect creatures—if they knew how to flush their own shit, they’d be perfect…
Greatest Genius In Cow History Killed, EatenOMAHA, NE—Demonstrating intellectual ability far surpassing any other member of its species, H4B3447, the greatest…
10/27/19These Rats in Tiny Cars Are Supposed to Teach Us Something, but Mostly I Just Enjoy Watching ThemNBC reports that researchers at the University of Richmond have announced a new study aimed at understanding the…
Obese Cat Hates Exercising As Much As You DoThis absolute unit of a cat is Cinderblock, an obese feline who was surrendered to a veterinary hospital in…
Internet Cat Has Girth That One Might Say Is Unusual Among His SpeciesGRAND RAPIDS, MI—Taken aback by the plump feline’s quite extraordinary nature, sources confirmed Friday that a cat…
10/16/19Gruesome Bird Massacre At The NASCAR Hall Of FameThe NASCAR Hall of Fame in Charlotte, N.C. was the site of a horrifying scene of avian death and destruction late…
Report: Kangaroo At Petting Zoo Can’t Be GoodPITTSFIELD, IL—Questioning exactly how the marsupial even made its way to such a small roadside attraction, local…