It would be like eating venison from a Bambi-themed plate.

I guess it wasn’t a weiner.

He doesn’t comprehend that the president lives in the White House so he/she is always available and ready to work.

My friends are more Juliet Angus than Melissa Hermer. That’s why I gift booze and muzzles.

I am too old and tired to keep these kinds of friends. I admire those you can put up with them enough to consider gifting them. I found I narrowed down my friends significantly in my forties, and now in my fifties, I am down to three and they are more than sufficient. My pets make five. 

New Rule: Empathy Is A Criminal Offence

In college, the only two language classes available were Spanish and Russian. I chose Spanish. I see now that I did not choose wisely.

Lindsey Graham just called for a Congressional investigation into Russia and our election today.

Is it me or is his pumpkin face starting to collapse? He looks like he’s aged a decade in the past week. And on Donald Trump, that look is bigly ungood.

Yesterday I went out and was super paranoid. Today is no different. I want to fight back but this is a spectacularly painful blow. I feel betrayed by my neighbors even. Its hard when you arent in a big metropolitan city like NYC and youre a POC in a small white suburb. The threat is so much larger. Ugh. I am so…

Trump and his supporters are so goddamned shortsighted. Do they realize how much it will cost to deport or incarcerate that many people (in money, not even talking about the fucking emotional toll to the families and communities that will be dismembered)??

I just unfriended my best friend from law school because he cannot stop with anti-Hillary nonsense. The realization that he is just another selfish white man who will protect his own preferences without any concern for others was heartbreaking. They come in all forms. The mildest, boringest dude is still a shithead.

I’m so worried that we’ll all end up talking like him. It would be bigly embarrassing.

Ask politely, but firmly.

He speaks like the Alzheimer’s patients I used to care for.

I chuckled at “determine who are the terrific people.” He knows like 4 adjectives. I laugh in order to not cry.

How would they get 3 million illegal immigrants out of the country without a deportation force?