I would like to clean its veneers with a rusty chisel.

Hanged for treason. Ha. Got one of those hipster-douche Chip Gaines Louisville Slugger bats on clearance at Target, and I am living for the day when I get to try it out on the skull of one of those fucking troglodytes. Has really nice heft to it, it does. Mm, crunchy, crunchy jawbones!

I want the fucker to try to start a war with Denmark in order to take Greenland so that I can have an excuse to rip the fucking head of a token-Republican lazy-as-shit co-worker off with my bare fucking hands.

I just worry for the species we’ve domesticated for slaughter. Maybe could we delay the death of a few non-blatantly-psychopathic humans to help our sheep, cow, goat, pig, and chicken pals to transition back to living wild?

I was at the first-season series premiere at the BFI, where I had the dubious honor of lying to the man’s face when he asked if I liked it. I’m old enough to remember MTV when the “M” stood for “music,” and the whole mess seems like a particularly nasty 80s video. Plus, yes, the “we won because suddenly the bad[der] gu…

Random daffy thoughts: Tramp wants Greenland because Uncle Vlad is salivating over the undersea land opportunities cropping up as Arctic sea ice melts: “You take care of the underwater stuff, Vlad. I’ll pick up that Greenland thing. And we’ll split the profits from Alaska, okay?”

Yes, you do.

You have to add Brandy from “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” to that list.

Right with you on this. But because my editor’s mind often tries to figure out fixes for things that really don’t deserve the effort, I thought that maybe if they’d used the goofiest fucking voice imaginable for the dog (hey, Tommy Wiseau, were you busy that week?), instead of Costner doing a crap Sam Elliott…

I called it “The Phantom Dumbass” then; I still call it “The Phantom Dumbass” now. Ahh, the healing passage of time.

So are the fucking Russians selling us Biden so that the Republicans can spend 2020-2024 reverse-dementia-shaming the Democrats? “You told us TRUMP had dementia...? Well, look what YOU’VE foisted on us! And taxes are higher, too, you dirty libtard socialists!”

Or the “outers” could be the usual hoard of fucking Russians being paid to muddy things up. In either and every case, fuck ‘em.

Well, yeah, everyone where you work was watching the testimony, you included, because, being troll-farm cunts, that’s what you’re paid to do. Still trying to figure out if the forced-laughter horseshit is an identifying mark for you fucking parasites or if you’re told to include it as a little knife-twist in your…

I read “The Stand” around 1980, well before I became the sort-of editor I am today. The book is still the most perfect illustration of why editors (real ones, if not sort-of ones) are so fucking essential. About three hundred pages in, I was subconsciously screaming SHUT UP! JUST SHUUUUUT UUUUUUP!!! By the end, I felt…

“... of you democrats”: So you’re a proud “libertarian,” then? (Because yyou were bleating about not being a Tramp supporter.) So you can doubly fuck the fuck off with a nice side of “fuck you” and a savory sprinkling of “fucking fuck you” on top.

Stop calling the thing “[P]resident.” Call it by its name if you must mention it.

Hey, Jimmy, fuck the fuck back off to fucking Russia, you fucking bucket of shit.

Aren’t you the most precious little boy ever?

The missed comma completely torpedoes your comment. Congrats.

It wasn’t about “dumb Americans.” Try again, Boris. Better yet, fuck off.