Man, this is just so edgy and intense, brah! And, and, and, like ... maybe Nitro and Turbo can make the kickers run through the Eliminator before getting to the ball, first!

I was all, "Meh," until the Cormac McCarthy bit. For that, you get an unabashed +1, good sir!

An ex-girlfriend of mine told me a few months ago that a single, mutual friend of ours tried to do a couple rounds of in vitro and it didn't work out. This friend tried it by herself. She is also a lawyer, except she is successful and shit. So successful she was willing to pay money to be a single mother.

Then it happened again, and I realized she was rubbing my leg with her bare foot. This went on for several minutes, during which time I got raging bonage that my Umbros could barely contain.

Wait, if you call yourselves the TenMan (shouldn't it be TenMen? Or The Ten Men Group. Hey, I like that!), shouldn't you have, like, at least 10 parties?

Jesus H. Christ. The Room makes more sense than this ...

This. Can you be commish?

[Deleted by author.]

Remember: Your mission is to get home before the snow melts. Adopt the attitude of a Serious-Minded Person with a Mission. A Michael Mann Protagonist. A Michael Mann Protagonist does not dally; or panic; or give up; or voluntarily sit still for 90 minutes, when less than a minute of walking and pushing could move an…

1. Unitas

Bangor, represent!

I've always been fascinated by professional wrestling. Though I don't fully understand the lingo or the storylines, I'll admit that these men and women are helluva athletes. Mad respect.

• If you take a ride, you are disqualified but hopefully still alive.

No, they don't. From the NFL Rules Digest (additional emphasis mine):

This is incorrect. Only the home club provides all 24 (indoor game) or 36 (outdoor game) "game" balls. The 12 "kicking" (or "special teams") balls come directly from Wilson, in specially-sealed containers, and are opened by the umpire in the referee's locker room when the rest of the balls' pressures are checked.…

Actually, no, it's not. All 24 (indoor game) or 36 (outdoor game) "game" balls are completely separate from the "kicking" (or special teams') balls. Only the home team supplies the balls, not the visiting team, as others are claiming.

I'm usually the last person to put on the tin-foil hat and shout, "It's a CONSPIRACY!" But damn, this is really getting sketchy. If—and it's still a very big if—this is true, it points to one of two (equally disturbing) possibilities:

Trooper Kenneth Proulx stated that he held the drivers door of the vehicle open, and Vince Wilfork reached in and helped lift the operator out of the vehicle with one hand.

NELSON WAS RIGHT THERE.