Dear ESPN employees:

Well, Goodell's hand up your ass can be quite persuasive.

That doesn't work. There were no teenagers with different skin colors in the vicinity.

*drops the mic/keyboard.*

Smoke was in fear for his life. DRIVE YOUR GROUND!!! 2nd Amendment.

Although initially disappointed, the kid was thrilled to see that Jeter had left him a gift basket and cab fare for the ride home at the gate.

Maybe they just needed some extra air time for Tiger Woods' parking space .

jeter fucked that kid over so bad, he's gonna need a prescription for valtrex

he was there first, he is a fully-functioning human with control of his motor faculties, he is not a potato sack full of drool and germs who can't even hold his own head up.

Next week: Any of ya'll play quarterback ?

Earlier today, Cimini reportedly had gastric bypass surgery and signed up for AshleyMadison.com

ESPN told him not to. He should know better than to provoke them.

Only one step from Beadle. Close enough. Next...lets pick...Jason Whitlock. That means its going to be Mike Wilbon.

Embrace Debate*

Just more proof that ESPN is the NFL's battered little bitch.

"On Friday, ESPN suspended Kellerman, but not because he admitted to hitting his partner. He was suspended because ESPN higher-ups wanted to avoid this kind of discussion on the air, and specifically told on-air talent to tread carefully."

One man was surprised to learn he didn't get a shout-out:

I'm pretty much down with anyone kicking Doug Gottlieb's ass.

I'd love to see Jay Bilas kick Doug Gottlieb's ass.

Except there's collusion between the NFL and the NCAA to keep things the way they are. If high schoolers had a legitimate option other than college, the NCAA's supply of product would go down. Which would cost them money.

Wow, when I gain respect for ESPN from a Deadspin article you know that the third party involved is a fucking disgrace. And of course in this instance it's the NCAA, no surprise there.