Let me help you fix the headline, it should read: Here it is, the World Cup’s Greatest and Most Shameless Dive...So Far.

Black is the new black.

No thanks...I’m saving my money for the Kickstarter project about ska bands from the 2000's.

60 minutes? That’s about 59 minutes and 30 seconds more than what I’ve got to spend on this. What you got for 30 seconds of my time?

This.

Apparently you’ve never seen Red Dawn.

Cocaine.

^ THIS GUY, AMIRITE?

Curse? They’ve rarely been good in the World Cup. And when they were, the US was better than them. One of my favorite WC moments was watching Cobi Jones kill time by taking the ball to the corner and watching the Mexican team just hack at him and he didn’t give an inch.

In a glass half full way...it’s the best thing that could’ve happened in that we needed a shakeup. I’m just sad for Pulisic.

Noted...but drugging and raping is...drugging and raping. But you know that. I hope. Do you? You are a monkey boy of royal descent but I’ll assume you know.

Edit...I have no idea if Polanski drugged his teenage victim(s)...but let’s assume he did.

Uh...I’m not going to sit here and say Mr. Lasseter is an innocent man-boy ignorant to his flights of fancy but...slow down...at his worst, he’s no Bill Cosby or Roman Polanski. They drugged women and had sex with them. Let’s put Lasseter in the Aziz category and call it a day?

And yet, he seems like he’d be a really good hugger.

Hey...come closer...let me whisper in your ear...

SPOILER ALERT!

I’m sitting in my own gravy as I type...

Don’t count out Steve Sampson.

They’re letting in 16 more teams...EVERYONE GETS AN AUTOMATIC BID!

And that’s why I never really liked Borat...the idea was amazing but picking on people who are kind hearted just to poke fun at them isn’t my idea of funny.