I once took a whale shark to the knee. I’ve had a limp ever since.

Confirmed, i once got bit by a Whale Shark and died. Sons of bitches.

“We have no idea why they went so far...for such short periods of time”

Worth it. Almonds just taste better when I know that a child is thirsty because of me.

Bloggers, in cars, making complaints

This is the best headline in Jalopnik history. Please tell me it was copy and pasted directly from an email subject line or a document title.

I think you’re missing the joke.

Holy crap. Due to this bizaro cross over review, I can now reply directly to HamNo without being rendered forever grey.

I feel like “HamNo and Torch Insult New Cars” could be a regular feature.

Ikea? Girlfriend? Drivers license? Has a extra dollar?

This is the big Lexus review I would write if I had talent or a sense of humor. Useful driving begins ~50 miles outside NYC.

This is beautiful Kinja.

After reading this, I am convinced HamNo is actually a bizzarroworld version of Jeremy Clarkson. This sentence, in particular, gave me a positively Clarksonian chill:

Also the seat heater buttons are pretty easy to find.

If I wanted to deal with computers I would have been a computer technician rather than an auto enthusiast.

The Great Donald was right yet again. Just turn on the water, idiots.

A mini-review:

I started drinking too early today. Thanks for keeping me honest! David Tennant was fantastic.

Don’t forget about David Tennant.

Next to Vincent D’Onofrio/Chris Evans/Robert Downy Jr, Bernthal is the best casting choice in the MCU.