PLEASE. Do not bring back the "big fucking hat" trend.

Dear god. It's like they skinned the Teletubbies...

I swear, that's the look my mother gives my aunt every time my aunt decides that she's going to buy something "on trend".

Did you kill it with fire?

"New! The Contraceptalux High-Rise Denim!"

Double-socks? Remind me of those again. I've got legwarmers in my head...

GET. OUT.

Skinny jeans. I mean the super-skinny jeans that I distinctly remember seeing on the streets of London back in the late eighties. They look great on most women, but all men...well...lads. Look, I'm sure you're proud of your meat and two veg, but that's something we don't need to see, 'kay.

As much as I loved parts of Man of Steel (Cavill's face during the first flight sequence for example. Plus Cavill's body in blue spandex. And his arse. And his chest. And his arms. Oh, heck. Why not just say it - his bulge. There. I said it.) I find the "No Jokes" approach to be a bit shit. Comics and graphic…

All kinds of whup-ass up in here...

You know - because it upsets the Shippers. They have to pair everyone off.

Enough to refer to them as Satan's dangleberries in front of a nun.

No, I'm serious. My nephew's school had a close call with a little girl who - through no fault of her own - seemed to not have been vaccinated with the MMR jab. Turns out to be a false alarm as the father decided to get it done behind the mother's back. But the thought of someone being that incredibly fucking…

Just have their children taken off them, have the idiots charged with child abuse and attempted murder, have their right to have more children removed, and stick 'em in a nice jail for 20 years. And make immunisation non-negotiable. No vaccination? No kids or freedom for you, shitwit for two decades. Next.

Yay! I pronounced pteran...terra...I GOT THE LAST ONE RIGHT! WOO!

Yeah, he'll do. Someone tell the Disney Strippers that they're no longer required.

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

I love IKEA. I love the fact that you can buy something from there, live with it for a few years and then think "Hmm, that Billy bookcase is looking a bit shit", go back in the store and pick up a pretty-much-identical replacement model. No hassle (I love assembling their stuff, by the way. I think I've got over…

Now, see, I love the fights in IKEA. The best thing about them is that they *always* happen near some comfy seating (it's how I settled on my sofa back in 2007 - I was watching a couple having a screaming match) and they're almost like free entertainment when you think about it. Far better than the piped muzak.

Considering the regurgitated shite that most fast food joint serve up - Wendys, I'm looking at you, you trash heap - this looks rather fun.